The Island of Phasma Mortuus
by Musica Diabolos
Summary: Sequel to the Amulet of Phasma Mortuus: Post Ptolemy’s Gate, Kitty begins to have disturbing and painful visions of Nathaniel, leading her and Bartimaeus to return to somewhere she’s certain she’s been before…COMPLETE JUNE 24!
1. Prologue

Hooray! A sequel to the Amulet of Phasma Mortuus! Yep, I'm back for another story, this time with the…umm…the necessary experience to write decent fanfiction. Well, here goes:

Summary: Post Ptolemy's Gate, Kitty begins to have disturbing and painful visions of Nathaniel, leading her and Bartimaeus to return to somewhere she's certain she's been before…

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bartimaeus Trilogy. I only own the setting for this story, the Island of Phasma Mortuus.

Enjoy, and please review!

**

* * *

Prologue**

"Sometimes you just have to cry,

'Cause sometimes your feelings don't have wings to fly,

The tears come softly, and with them the pain,

Burning, and hurting, and twisting again…"

_- Twisting Again_ (Musica Diabolos)

_She stood beside the tall boy with dark hair and a pale face. His clothes were ripped and burned along one side, stained with his own blood. He leaned heavily on a staff of dark wood, but in his eyes a spark still burned._

_His lips moved, but she could hear nothing. His eyes were faced straight ahead, towards a black, shadowy being moving steadily towards them. She could see the pain and hopelessness in the boy's expression, but still he remained upright. A voice sounded out, and she knew it could not be his own. As she heard the words, tears rolled steadily down her cheeks._

"_I am Nathaniel! I am your master! I am your death!"_

_The shadow drew itself up angrily, and she could see the anger and hatred emanating from it. The boy's eyes closed, as though he were thinking hard…then he spoke again, in a strange tongue she only barely recognized._

_As the last words were pronounced, an immense white light blazed from the dark wood of the staff, and the glass walls around them exploded with a terrible crash…but the boy had crumpled to the ground before the energy incinerated everything within reach. He was dead within seconds, and the demon let out a cry of pain and rage as glass and iron rained down upon them both._

_She herself felt nothing…it seemed, quite suddenly, that she was observing it all from a great distance…just watching him die…_

_The familiar pain welled up inside her heart. It wasn't his fault, she had waited for him outside but he hadn't been there…it wasn't his fault…_

_Nothing…she felt nothing…from a great distance…_

* * *

Kitty Jones sat bolt upright in bed, her prematurely lined face drenched with cold sweat. She pressed both hands over her eyes and fought to keep from screaming; the pain inside her head was terrible, much worse than anything she had experienced before. 

Gradually, the pain subsided; the nightmare was over. Nathaniel had been in it, Nathaniel…and as she thought of this, her throat became tight and her eyes burned.

It had been two months, only two months since his death and the demons' revolt, and she still saw it every night in her troubled dreams. But tonight was different; it was somehow more intense, more involved…she had dreamt of something she knew she had never witnessed.

The pain she had felt bothered her as much as the dream itself…surely nightmares weren't meant to give you migraines, or whatever it was? Kitty swallowed hard. This was something else, something wrong. And she didn't like it.

* * *

Sorry this was short, but I hope it was good for an introduction! Please review, tell me what you think! 


	2. Of All Places

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the prologue! I have quite a few ideas for this fic, so I'll update as quick as I can.

Chapter 1 sort of introduces everything that has happened in the past two months…all from Kitty's point of view, of course, since Nathaniel's dead (sigh) and Bartimaeus is enjoying a well-deserved vacation in the Other Place. Kitty's feeling kind of depressed here…sorry about that. A bit dark and angsty and…umm…shortish. Surprise appearance from an OC from my other story.

Disclaimer: These annoy me so much…I don't own anything recognizable in this, ok? Don't sue me.

**

* * *

Of All Places**

"I always thought I was the tough one,

But now I just can't bear to see the rain.

I never thought I would need you,

But that much is part of my pain…"

_- Twisting Again_

It was a crisp December morning in London; fresh white snow blanketed every available inch outdoors. It gave a peaceful sort of atmosphere to the quiet city; this was mostly due to the fact that it covered the wreckage of numerous buildings where the magicians' government had once worked.

Trafalgar Square was unusually silent for the time of day; only a few pigeons clustered around the dull, immense statues. Only one shone brightly, for it had been erected only a month ago.

Made of a silvery alloy, with frost glittering around it, many would say it was the most beautiful part of the square in winter time; others would say it was nice that it hadn't rusted over yet, like the others. It was a simple figure of a tall, thin boy clutching a staff and wearing a grim expression. And sitting underneath, on the plain stone plinth, was a young woman.

Although still only eighteen years old, her hair was streaked with grey and her face had many more lines than was expected of it; from a distance, she may even have appeared to be rather old. As she sat, hunched over against the cold, any passers-by wouldn't have taken her for a young and energetic person.

Kitty Jones turned her face against the wind, wishing it was just a bit warmer out. She laughed sourly to herself; if it were warmer, other people would be out, and why had she come here if not be alone?

She bit her lip until it bled; it was best not to think about anything just now. But if she wanted herself to stop thinking about anything painful, why was she sitting under Nathaniel's statue, of all places?

* * *

In the two or so months following the demon's revolt and the death of John Mandrake, the newly established government had done its best to clean up the mess. The troops were called back from America; an electoral system was quickly established to find a new ruler. The new process was accepted enthusiastically, and the commoners and minor magicians soon found a new leader: Mr. Arthur Greenstone, a commoner who had led one of the minor alliances that had strived for an equal government. His appointment was swift, and many ministers were also elected. 

Ms. Rebecca Piper, who alone of the magicians had taken charge in the demon situation, was appointed the Secretary of State, while Mr. Harold Button became the Information Minister, Mandrake's former post. Various other commoners and a few magicians also acquired governmental posts; for once, there was no discrimination.

Kitty declined offer after offer of a position among the great; while this caused many to question her judgement, she didn't care. Kitty didn't want to be around people that reminded her of what she had lost.

She had visited Jakob in Belgium, but it hadn't done much for her spirits; Jakob, though kind, did not know Nathaniel except as he had seen him three years ago. He would not mourn for their betrayer and disliked discussing him, and she soon returned to London by herself.

Over the next month, Kitty seemed to draw more and more into herself; work disinterested her, friends bored her, and nothing seemed to give her the spark that had once defined her dangerous lifestyle. Rebecca Piper was her closest correspondent, but she was also up to her elbows in paperwork, and did not have time to talk as Kitty found she needed to. She recommended a therapist, but generally kept off the subject.

But Kitty did not cry. She didn't talk about Nathaniel or Bartimaeus, although she was prompted often to let it all out. The pain grew gradually inside her like an incurable parasite, showing itself more than once with the rather strange dreams she had been having.

* * *

"Miss?" 

Kitty looked up. A young man in a blue coat was standing in front of her, peering down at her face. She sniffed.

"Yes?"

"Sorry," he said. "But are you lost or something? 'Cause I could, er -"

Kitty blinked. Something about the voice, or the way he stood…

"_Kevin_?"

He smiled.

"I almost thought you didn't recognize me. I almost didn't recognize you, you're…" He broke off, blushing. Kitty sighed.

"I keep forgetting to dye my hair. Kevin, it's – it's a long story, but…how have you been? I haven't seen you since -"

"The Resistance broke up? Yeah, I know…but, still, you were right about a lot of things, weren't you? We didn't need to rebel; the magicians really did it by themselves!"

He was grinning so broadly that Kitty, too, managed a small smile.

"So, firstly, how have _you_ been?" he asked her, pulling her to her feet. "Like you said, it's been _ages_…bet you've been celebrating a lot, haven't you?"

"Oh, I've been all right, you know."

"Yeah, me too. I got a job at Richmond – that's where the government's working while they rebuild Whitehall – as a _personal assistant_ to the War Minister. Can you believe it? They wanted lots of commoners brought in and my friend Bill recommended me, mostly 'cause of my involvement with the Commoner's Alliance…"

"That's great!" said Kitty, trying once again to smile. She hoped it didn't look as though she were grimacing; Kevin didn't seem to notice, anyway. He was looking at the statue behind them.

"New, this, isn't it?" he said, walking up to it and laying a gloved hand on the smooth silver metal. "Say – isn't that _John Mandrake_? That pompous idiot that -"

"I'd better be going," said Kitty abruptly, biting her lip to stop herself crying out.

"Wait – don't go! Say, why don't I take you to dinner tonight? Terence's Grill, right down the street from my new apartment…can I pick you up? Where do you live?"

"Well…"

"Please! I'd love to see more of you, now that it's – over, you know."

"All right. I live one floor down from where I used to."

"See you at six then!"

Kevin walked off, a new sort of spring in his step. Kitty watched him go, the smile remaining on her face for a little longer than she would have expected.

* * *

How's that? More coming soon, please review! 


	3. Table for Two

Thanks to all my awesome reviewers! It's almost spring break, so I can get a lot of writing done then.

In this chapter, Kitty goes to dinner with Kevin and tells him about what happened to her (almost-ish). Sounds dull, but something interrupts it…some angst.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kitty or Rebecca or the background ideas of this story; I do, however, own Kevin, the restaurant, and most of the current British government. Haha, I feel powerful.

**

* * *

Table for Two**

"Maybe it's good you can't see me,

'Cause tears made us both hurt inside,

But you promised me you'd see me outside the door,

And here I am waiting, not believing you lied…"

-_Twisting Again_

Kitty fussed with her hair in the mirror; it was a bit odd, seeing it dark again, but the dye looked real enough. She smoothed out the lines in her face for what seemed like the millionth time, knowing they would not disappear. Oh, well…Kevin wouldn't mind.

She checked her watch: it was five-thirty. That gave her a little time to sleep, which was good, because she felt exhausted. Kitty settled down in an armchair by the door and, closing her eyes, fell asleep almost immediately…

_

* * *

She stood in a giant, decorated room with a glass floor. Beneath her feet, she could see the lines of a pentacle…but what was it here for? Kitty saw magicians, some recognizable from the demons' revolt, clustered around the corners, hammering at the doors as though trying to escape. Some were piled upon the floor, looking battered and (with some) strangely disfigured. _

_There was a sort of ripple in the air above them, and she stayed well away from it._

_Looking around, she saw that there was one figure standing: a small boy with a thin, pale face and dark hair. He looked no older than twelve…what was he doing here? A serving boy, perhaps? But then she saw what he held in his hands and knew immediately who and what he was._

_Nathaniel walked slowly over to one of the piles of magicians, limping along like a wounded bird, and carefully placed the Amulet of Samarkand in the hands of a man she recognized as Rupert Devereaux. He looked up at her._

_Their eyes met for only a moment, and then everything dissolved into thin air…_

* * *

Kitty's eyes snapped open with a start, and pain lanced out from behind them; she winced, but it vanished as soon as it had come. She wondered for a moment what had woken her, but then she realized it had been the doorbell. 

Kitty leapt to her feet and smoothed down her hair, then opened the door. Kevin smiled at her, then took her by the hand and led her downstairs.

"So…what _did_ happen to you to make you look all…you know…?" Kitty laughed.

"Long story, like I said. I was stupid and got involved with demons, and then…"

"What? Come on, you can tell me, driving gets rather boring."

She laughed again, and then stopped, feeling ashamed. What right did she have to be happy after what had happened to Nathaniel? Kevin seemed to notice her sudden silence.

"What's up?"

"Nothing, I…um…hey, look, we're there."

"So we are. Here, I'll just find a place to park…"

When they got inside the restaurant, Kitty felt rather uncomfortable; it was full of people, laughing and joking and talking…would Kevin expect her to do the same?

"Table for two?" said the plump waitress brightly. They nodded. "Follow me, if you please."

They found a candlelit table and sat down, Kitty twisting her hands in her lap. When the waitress brought them the menus, she tried to hide behind hers until Kevin reached over and plucked it out of her hands.

"What's the matter, Kitty? You claustrophobic or what?"

"Nothing," she said, smiling at him. "What are you going to order?"

He frowned for the first time.

"Stop trying to change the subject, Kitty. You're hiding something from me."

"Kevin, I am not!"

"Whatever." He disappeared behind his own menu. "I just wish you would talk to me."

Kitty ordered a salad, then sat quietly after she had eaten it, staring at her fingernails. Kevin, who had seemed so talkative before, seemed to have lost the desire for conversation and was instead staring at her, his brow furrowed. Finally, he spoke up.

"So, what did you do for a year?"

She sighed.

"Worked at the Frog Inn, and as a – a librarian's assistant."

"Spent a lot of time around books?"

"Yes."

"So what does that have to do with demons?"

"Oh, you know. I did some research." Kitty blinked. Was it just her, were the lights quivering?

"And it gave you a few grey hairs? That's a bit illogical."

"I summoned one, all right? And I don't want to talk about it." She felt a familiar sharp pain behind her eyeballs and winced. What was happening? Kitty wasn't asleep…

"Kitty, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Just a headache." God, it was hurting…

"We should probably get home. It's getting late."

"All right."

The entire ride home, Kevin kept glancing at her strangely, as though he half expected her to fall over. It would have been odd had she not been feeling rather light-headed anyway.

When they got to her apartment building, Kevin parked by the sidewalk. They sat for a minute and looked at each other.

"Thanks," she said, wincing as the pain stabbed her eyes again. "I – I had fun."

"Me too." He was still watching her concernedly.

"Well – goodbye. You can phone me if you like." Kitty felt horrible, almost as if she was abandoning him…if only he would stop looking at her like that…

"Okay." She opened the door, smiling faintly at him, and walked a bit unsteadily towards the lobby entrance. Kitty heard the sound of his engine grow fainter as Kevin rounded the corner and was out of sight.

She wandered through the main room and towards the stairs, but she had barely gone ten paces when the pain behind her eyes flared again. Kitty fell to her knees, crying out in pain. Her eyelids fluttered shut…

_

* * *

She saw Nathaniel as he had been when she had saved him, prone against the wall. The golem stood frozen over him, one hand reaching out imploringly. Gladstone's Staff leaned against one of its massive legs and the scroll she had pulled from its mouth lay abandoned on the ground. Bartimaeus was nowhere to be seen…that was odd. This wasn't how it had happened, as far as Kitty could remember._

_With a sudden shudder, the golem came to life again, shaking its head as though coming out of a doze. She could feel the intense cold radiating from it again, and the black cloud began to gather once again._

_No…_no…_it was all wrong, she had saved him, she knew she had…_

_The golem gave a feral roar and lunged towards Nathaniel's unconscious body. There was a flash of blue light and he was nothing but ash. _

_Kitty cried out in pain…all useless…everything she had ever done was useless…_

* * *

"Miss Jones!" 

She opened her eyes, the pain fading away as if it were only a memory. The apartment manager, Mr. Firkins, was standing over her looking worried.

"My dear girl, are you all right? Should I call a doctor?"

"No." Kitty pushed herself to her feet, feeling her strength returning. What was that that she had just seen? And why had it happened without her falling asleep? "Thank-you, Mr. Firkin, I – just felt a little light-headed for a moment there."

"Are you _sure_? I can -"

"I'm fine." To prove it, Kitty turned back to the stairs and ran up them two at a time, wanting more than anything to just go home and sleep…

She reached her apartment door and turned the key in the lock. Kitty closed the door sharply behind her and leaned against, breathing hard as the terror she had felt coursed through her body. Why was she having these – these visions? And why did they all show her Nathaniel in danger?

_He's dead,_ she told herself silently. _ He's dead, and there's nothing you can do to save him anymore._

So why did she feel so uneasy?

* * *

Oooo…darkness…please review! Next chapter next weekend! 


	4. No One Else Lives Here

Hooray! Spring Break! That means lots of chapters, which is good. Thanks to all the people who are reviewing this!

In this chapter, Kitty has a little chat with Piper, and then goes to a Council meeting. Her schedule is interrupted by another vision, revealing something that changes Kitty's entire outlook on what happened…can you guess?

Disclaimer: The Bartimaeus Trilogy is Jonathan Stroud's, but everything that I say happens afterward is MINE, okay? Good.

**

* * *

No One Else Lives Here**

"There was a time when you let me know

What's real and going on below.

But now you never show it to me, do you?"

- _Hallelujah_ (Rufus Wainwright)

Kitty woke up early the next morning. She had barely slept at all, with both Kevin and Nathaniel drifting in and out of her troubled dreams.

She sat down at her table with a bowl of breakfast cereal (which tasted like woodchips in her current state of mind) and was staring at the food when the phone rang. Sighing and wondering who would call at seven o'clock on a Saturday morning, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Kitty? Is that you?" The voice was frenzied.

"Hi, Becca. Of course it's me…no one else lives here."

"Oh. How did you know it was _me_?"

"Who else sounds like they're in a hurry on a Saturday morning?"

She heard Rebecca Piper laugh on the other end.

"You know me too well. So…um…how are you holding up?"

"Fine…are you sure you don't want something? You don't usually call to chat…" Kitty said, sitting back down.

"Oh, you know…okay, fine, I need you to come to the Council meeting at three o'clock. Do you think you can make it?"

"_Again_?"

"We'd just like your opinion on the new summoning laws…Mr. Button said you'd probably have a pretty valuable opinion."

"I don't know, Becca…" Kitty sighed. She had enough on her mind without the government requesting her opinion!

"All right, what's bothering you? Is it – you know – _him_ again?"

Kitty didn't answer for a moment. Then she said carefully:

"Why do always assume it's about _him_? For your information, I went out to dinner last night."

"With a man?" Rebecca sounded eager.

"What do you think? I'd go with a rooster?" Kitty almost laughed again.

"Well, that's great! It's nice to see you moving on, getting your mind off things like -"

There was a pause.

"I had a dream about him last night," said Kitty.

"I see…"

"It was – happy," she lied. "I really think I'm starting to get over him, Piper."

There, that ought to cast the subject away…

"You're a terrible liar, Kitty."

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask you for months…do you like being called Becca or Piper better?" Kitty asked, trying once again to change the subject.

"Piper…it may be my surname but I like it as a nickname…but that's not the point. Kitty, you need to talk about him sometimes."

"Sorry, didn't catch that."

"Oh, stop it!"

"I'll see you later, Piper."

Kitty hung up, sinking into a kitchen chair with her hands over her face.

* * *

At three o'clock sharp, Kitty walked into Richmond, running her fingers through her hair restlessly. She now understood how Jakob felt, walking around public places; everyone who passed her stopped and stared as though they had seen a ghost. 

The Council was, luckily, on the ground floor, so Kitty made her way to the hall without difficulty. She knocked solidly on the oak door, and Piper opened it.

"Kitty! You're here! Well, come in, the meeting's just started."

She entered the room under the sharp, intelligent gaze of Prime Minister Greenstone and his Council. A satisfied feeling rose within her; most were commoners.

"Good day, Ms. Jones." Arthur Greenstone's eyes returned to his papers.

"Yes, hello, Lizzie," said Mr. Button distractedly. "Do sit down; we are just about to begin."

Kitty nodded abruptly and sat next to Piper, who smiled at her encouragingly. She managed a small smile back, her mind still on her dreams.

Mr. Greenstone stood up slowly. He was a tall, rather thin man with thinning blonde hair, but it was eyes that made Kitty sir up and listen. They were a deep green, and almost filled to the brim with sparkle…figuratively, of course. All in all, he was far more charismatic than Devereaux had ever been.

"We are gathered here to discuss the newly suggested summoning laws of the British Empire," he said brightly. "It has been agreed that, in order to prevent another spirits' revolt, magicians should have stricter guidelines that will not provoke the rebellious attitudes that have obviously been built up towards human beings for thousands of years."

He paused, turning a page in his notes. Kitty frowned and rubbed her eyes. She was getting another headache; hopefully the meeting would be over soon.

"Article 1, as suggested by this Council, states that magicians may only order an entity to accomplish tasks which they are incapable of performing themselves. This would most likely mean that spirits would be forced to do less work while held on Earth. Are all members agreed on this article? Please signify by raising your right hand."

Kitty raised her hand, placing the other over her eyes. God, it was hurting…

"Article 1 has therefore been passed. We shall therefore move on to Article 2…"

Kitty opened her eyes and tried to focus, but it was as though someone had pressed a knife behind her eyes…

"This article states that any said spirit may not be punished while accomplishing any task such as was mentioned above…"

Kitty placed both palms over her eyes. Piper was tugging at her sleeve, but she paid her no attention.

"…unless the task was left unaccomplished with the sole goal of harming the magician in question. In this case, imprisonment in a pentacle lasting no more than three days…"

White fog was swirling in Kitty's vision…what was happening? The Prime Minister's voice grew fainter…

"…instead of a torturous method, which could be seen as much more hostile…"

_No_, a part of her whispered, _not this…_but she was falling, falling into another vision…

_

* * *

Nathaniel was there again, leaning heavily on the Staff as Nouda approached him._

Bartimaeus_…the voice was faint, but she could hear it clearly in her mind. What was this? His lips were not moving, so why could she suddenly hear his thoughts?_

Yes? _That was the djinni's voice…Kitty's heart rose into her throat. What was going on? What was she witnessing?_

You've been a good servant…

_There was a pause. Was the djinni contemplating his words?_

Well, um, you've been just dandy too. _She almost laughed._

I didn't say you were perfect…

What?

Far from it. Let's face it, you've generally managed to cock things up. _Kitty was confused…why was Nathaniel telling the djinni something like this, when he only had about three seconds to live?_

WHAT? _The djinni's voice was outraged._ Well, since we're doing some straight talking, let me tell you, buddy –

Which is why I'm dismissing you right now. _What?_

Eh?

Don't take it the wrong way…_Now his lips moved, pronouncing the words she had heard before in the strange tongue…_It's just that…we've got to break the Staff at the right moment here. You're holding it in check. But I can't rely on you for something as important as this. You're bound to mess it up somehow. Best thing is…_Kitty trembled and covered her mouth with her hands._ Best thing is to dismiss you. That'll trigger the Staff automatically. Then I _know_ it'll be done properly.

_Kitty felt sick. Those past two months, and she had never known what had happened to them…_

Nathaniel – _Bartimaeus again. Was he going to survive? Nathaniel seemed to be done the dismissal…_

Say hello to Kitty for me. _His last words. Tears sprang unbidden into her eyes…why could she only cry in dreams?_

_Bartimaeus was gone, and the vision dissolved before she could see the end…_

* * *

"Kitty…Kitty!" 

She opened her eyes slowly, and Piper's worried features came into focus.

"Kitty, what happened? I thought you had a headache, so I was looking for an aspirin…and then you fell onto the floor!"

"Where are we?" Kitty asked groggily.

"Richmond infirmary…I couldn't wake you up…are you not well, Kitty? You could have said…"

"It's nothing," she said quickly, the knowledge of what she had just seen coming back to her in a flash. Bartimaeus was alive…Nathaniel had saved him…

"I don't think it was nothing. Haven't you been eating right? Getting your sleep?"

"I told you I was fine!" Kitty sat up, annoyed. Piper looked at her critically.

"It's him, isn't it? I thought you were lying…" she said, frowning.

"No, it's not. Leave me alone."

"Oh, Kitty…did you – did you _love him_? Is that why you're doing this to yourself?"

Kitty stood up as though she had received an electric shock. Trembling, she glared at Piper.

"No," she said. "No, I didn't!"

Why could she only cry in dreams?

* * *

Hooray, it's finished! And Bartimaeus is back! New chapter coming ASAP! 


	5. You Can't Have Everything

Yay, relatively quick update now we're into Spring Break! Thanks for all the reviews!

In this (longer) chapter, Kitty (predictably) summons Bartimaeus again and talks to him about numerous things (very sad and angsty, although Bart adds a bit of comic relief.) And there's a little surprise for you right at the end…don't peek!

Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters and settings described here. Please tell me you didn't bother to read this.

**

* * *

You Can't Have Everything**

"I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and stare at you.  
I don't wanna talk about it.  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just want to cry in front of you."

- _Fall to Pieces _(Avril Lavigne)

Two months in the Other Place. Does that seem like a long vacation to you? I don't think so! I mean, you think with me presumably being presumed dead and all, those damn magicians would have the decency not to summon me for a while.

I guess you can't have everything in life. And who would know better then I, Bartimaeus, Sakhr-al-Jinni and N'gorso the Mighty?

Now, what to be, what to be…quite frankly, I really felt like scaring the (insert rude word of your choice) out of somebody. I took my minotaur guise and…altered a few things. Like made fire come out of every available place in its body (okay, not _every_ available place…that would be disgusting.)

I materialized with a howling roar of a north wind in a massive column of fire…not particularly inventive, but hey, I was annoyed. As the smoke, fire, and brimstone cleared, I examined my new master.

It was Kitty.

My entire minotaur guise exploded into thin air; I admit it, I was surprised. And relieved; I actually cared about this girl, believe it or not.

"Erm…hello, Kitty," I said, taking the rather well-known form of an invisible man.

To my disquiet, she did not answer, but simply gazed forlornly into my pentacle. I thought I knew what was behind this; I had seen how close she and Nathaniel had become during our last few hours together, and his sudden death, right when it was all going to be over, must have devastated her. For the first time in a rather long time (a few centuries, at least), I really did not know what to say. Luckily, she responded before I had to find something witty to say.

"You're alive." Her voice was hollow and dead-sounding, not at all as I remembered it. Looking at her more closely, she was really barely at all how I remembered her; her grey-streaked hair hung limp, her face was pale and drawn as Nathaniel's, and her eyes were shadowed where once they had burned with the spark of revolution. It saddened me to see her like this; it was almost, for me, liking losing her myself, as I had lost Ptolemy and Nathaniel. I moved the conversation along in the safest way I could imagine.

"How long has it been?"

"Two months." Every word seemed to cause her pain, her expression frozen like that of someone who is about to cry. Kitty did not, however.

"Erm…should I say sorry, to start?"

Unfortunately, this was a bad decision. Her eyes snapped to attention as a fierce tirade leapt out from her broken mind.

"_Sorry?_"

I stayed silent and invisible.

"_Sorry_? You _lied_ to me, both of you! You said you would get out all right. You said I couldn't come because I wouldn't be protected. You said the Amulet wouldn't _help _you. You promised me you'd see me outside when it was all over…and then, the building explodes behind me the second I walk out! You broke every promise you made to me. I've had to live with his death. And now you're _sorry?_"

Did I tell you about the part where I really didn't know what to say?

What bothered me the most was that, unlike what is normally shown in dramatic epic tales like this one, the protagonist (Kitty) _did not_ drop to her knees and sob her brains out until she felt rather light-headed and, for the most part, dehydrated; on the contrary, she stood stock still and seemed to just shrink into herself. I had another go.

"Yes," I said quietly from behind my disguise. "I am."

* * *

Kitty felt a mingled sense of dread as she spoke the well-remembered that would call Bartimaeus from his home. What if the dream was wrong and he had been killed with Nathaniel? Or worse, what if he were alive but angry with her for putting him in that situation? 

When the djinni materialized in the circle opposite, her relief was so great her knees almost felt weak, as if they wanted her to fall to pieces and cry out. But her cold self-restraint, built up after weeks of hiding from her own grief, held her in, and she did not cry in front of Bartimaeus.

He spoke, and every word struck her as a pang of sadness. But it was his apology that struck a chord within her. She hated herself for doing it, but something erupted within her in that moment and every hateful, hopeless thought she had endured for the past two months came tumbling out in a rush.  
"_Sorry? Sorry_? You _lied_ to me, both of you! You said you would get out all right. You said I couldn't come because I wouldn't be protected. You said the Amulet wouldn't _help _you. You promised me you'd see me outside when it was all over…and then, the building explodes behind me the second I walk out! You broke every promise you made to me. I've had to live with his death. And now you're _sorry?_"

"Yes," the djinni replied in sombre tones. "I am."

Kitty felt drained and empty. All that mattered now was that she keep on talking, because she had to know, it was the only way to fill the gaping chasm inside of her. She collected herself again and looked Bartimaeus in the eye.

"Is it true then?" she asked him, her fingertips shaking slightly. "He saved you?"

The djinni seemed to freeze (it was rather hard to tell, as he was invisible); then, slowly, deliberately, he spoke in ringing tones Kitty had only heard once before.

"How do you know about that?" The voice sent shivers up her spine, but she ploughed forward. This was as much her business as his, not like Ptolemy.

"Tell me if it's true." Her tones matched his, and her eyes never left the shadowy mist that seemed to be gathering around the djinni's invisible form.

A sound that could have been a sigh erupted from the circle.

"It is true." No extras, no dramatics. It was plain and simple, and it made her breath catch in her chest. "He dismissed me -"

"- about ten seconds before his death. I know."

There was another brief pause.

"How in the devil's name would you know that?"

Kitty hesitated, but Bartimaeus was someone she would have to trust.

"I'm – not entirely sure," she said slowly, carefully. "Strange things have been happening…"

"Meaning?"

"Bartimaeus…I'm having visions."

The djinni slowly materialized into Ptolemy's form. His brow was furrowed, his expression surprised.

"You've been having _what_?"

"Visions, Bartimaeus! I see things every night, and now they're popping up during the day, too…they're all about him…"

"Nathaniel?"

Kitty winced. There were reasons she didn't say his name aloud anymore!

"Yes. And sometimes – sometimes I know they're real. That's how I knew you were alive…"

Bartimaeus regarded her with some concern.

"Do they – do they hurt you, these visions?"

Kitty stared at him. It was almost as though he knew…

"They do," she said quietly. "Is that bad?"

"I'm not sure…" Ptolemy scratched his head. "The only place that any sentient being or spirit should be able to see the past, present, or future is…well…the Other Place."

"Yes, I saw."

"So, perhaps this is another side effect of your journey there."

"But what has that got to do with – him?"

"I honestly don't know, maybe – _Kitty?_"

His cry meant nothing to her as the fog closed in and she toppled sideways out of her circle.

* * *

Visions. One thing I have next to zero experience in. If it had been anyone else asking me questions about them, I would have blown a nice, large raspberry, but in this case I didn't think it would be the ideal thing to do. 

And then what does Kitty give me…some experience! One minute she was standing there, next she's sort of crumpled to the floor (_outside_ the pentacle…that's a long way to fall), breaking the summoning incantations and releasing me out of the circle. Which was lucky, because otherwise I couldn't have got to her very fast.

I laid one of Ptolemy's dark, long-fingered hands on her cheek; she was cold, but I could tell she was still breathing. I was disturbed to see her eyes rolling in her head behind her flickering eyelids, as if she were living in a nightmare.

I shook her so hard her teeth rattled in her head; hoping I hadn't hurt Kitty, I sat back and waited. Within moments, her eyelids fluttered back open. She looked rather astonished to be on the floor; then she moaned and sat up with her head between her knees.

"So, was that it?" I said conversationally.

She winced and looked up, squinting at me. I grew more serious.

"What did you see?"

_

* * *

Bartimaeus was gone, dismissed as she had seen before, but Kitty could still see Nathaniel as he fell to is knees. The Staff exploded as Nouda bore down upon him, black tentacles whirling in anger…_

_But wait…what was happening? The world suddenly seemed to move slower…Nathaniel's head jerked up towards Nouda even as the roof above them shattered into a million shards of glass and iron. The great entity reached for him, green fire erupting from its outstretched extremity…_

_Then, with a sound not unlike that of the popping cork of a champagne bottle, it made contact, and the two of them disappeared into thin air even as death rained down upon them. Nathaniel did not have time to cry out before he was pulled away…_

Someone was shaking her…the pain behind her eyes was getting worse…

Kitty opened her eyes and sat up, putting her head between her knees. What the hell was this all about? Nathaniel was dead, she knew that…and yet…

"What did you see?" The djinni's obvious question…

"I haven't the slightest idea…"

_

* * *

Two Months Earlier…_

Nathaniel's eyes fluttered open. Every inch of him burned as though he had passed through the very flames of hell...but why was he awake? The Staff had exploded, and Nouda…

He sat up slowly, gazing around him in horror. This was not Earth…could it possibly be the Other Place? Why did he have the feeling he had been here before? _No_, he said, _no, this can't be happening…please just let it all be over…_

But it wasn't over.

* * *

Cliffhanger! Hooray! All the characters have entered the story! So…is Nathaniel alive? Can you possibly guess where he is? Update coming ASAP! 


	6. Messages

Spring Break is over now, so I'll be getting back to my normal schedule…that means still one chapter a week, as long as I don't have too much to do. This story's coming along great, thanks for all the reviews! Hopefully I'll surpass my goal for my last story! I really appreciate the people who write reviews with comments on what they liked or wanted more of. Thanks a lot you guys!

In this chapter, Kitty and Bartimaeus try to figure out why she's having visions, what really happened to Nathaniel, etc. All Kitty-centered chapter…I'm not in a Bartimaeus mood today (ahem, I'm reading the third book for the third time and am feeling rather depressed about it). And a conundrum comes up about the new summoning laws that seems unfixable…sorry, no more Nathaniel in this chapter, but next time I'm going to center it on him! Geez, I've written many blurbs today…

Disclaimer: The Bartimaeus Trilogy does not belong to me, nor will I ever say it does. Just in case somebody out there hasn't figured it out yet.

**

* * *

Messages**

"So they told me, everybody hurts,

But why does it seem like it's only me?

They all act like the world's lovely,

When you died, you hurt me, why didn't you see?"

- _Twisting Again_

"So you definitely didn't see him _die_? He just – _disappeared_?"

"Yes, Bartimaeus, I've said that at least ten times already."

It was late at night. Kitty couldn't sleep at all, but that was hardly surprising; with all the dreams she had been having lately, she felt as if she were asleep half her life.

"People don't just voluntarily disappear, Kitty. Are you sure he wasn't…I don't know…hit with a Detonation or something?"

"No, I told you…Nouda touched him, and they both vanished. Like…like they were teleported. But what is this supposed to _mean_, Bartimaeus?"

"Search me. For all we know, it could be a fake incident intended to play with your mind, like that golem vision."

"Yes…I suppose…" Kitty frowned. This one had seemed so much more _real_ than some of the others, like there was a message in it for her…something she had to know…

"In which case you should probably forget about it and move on."

She looked at him. Ptolemy's expression was almost worried.

"Why?"

"Listen, Kitty…have you – well – been _dwelling_ on Nathaniel a lot since he died?"

"We don't know for sure he's dead!" Kitty cried out desperately. This was her hope, her only hope…

"Yes, Kitty, we do. Do you see him walking about anywhere?"

"No, but -"

"These visions aren't good for you! You need to find out how to stop them, not find out what delusional messages they're sending to you!"

Kitty felt rather as though Nathaniel had died all over again; Bartimaeus was shutting down any hopes and dreams she might have had for the last hour or so, just as he had done when she had first summoned him.

"Why do you think I'm having visions then, if someone or something's not sending me messages?"

The djinni opened his mouth and closed it, frowning. Before he could answer, the phone rang. Kitty got up to answer it.

"Kitty?"

"Hi, Kevin."

"You all right? You didn't phone yesterday."

"I – wasn't feeling well. Why?" Kitty bit her lip, but she didn't feel up to sharing again just now.

"Oh, nothing…I just wanted to maybe, you know, get together again sometime."

Kitty sighed, but not loud enough so he could hear her.

"That sounds great, Kevin…how about, erm, Friday?" It was Sunday today. That gave her lots of time to figure things out.

"That's perfect, Kitty! Well, I better go…hope you're feeling better…"

"Thanks, Kevin. Goodbye."

She hung up and sunk against the wall. He was so kind, and it hurt her to think she might have to just abandon him, get him to leave her alone with her troubled feelings…

"What's up?" Bartimaeus was raiding the fridge, for some reason.

"Nothing. It's…complicated. What are you doing?"

"Nothing. It's…complicated. For goodness sake, Kitty!"

She sighed.

"I'm going to bed," Kitty said, although she still wasn't tired.

"OK…but be careful."

She turned to look at him incredulously.

"Be careful of what? The monsters in my closet?"

"You know what I meant." The djinni turned away to examine her television.

The moment she got inside her bedroom, Kitty collapsed onto the bed. Why couldn't life just be simple?

It just didn't want to be for her.

_

* * *

Nathaniel floated above Nouda, the Staff pointing towards the spirit and exuding an immense amount of energy in a huge burst of white light. She could hear nothing._

_He grimaced, trying to hold on as long as possible, but it seemed the Staff did not affect Nouda as it should. Kitty saw a demon, the one in the form of the fish-faced man, sneaking up behind him._

Come on,_ she thought desperately._ Look behind you!

_But it was too late. The demon let forth a Detonation that she saw Nathaniel/Bartimaeus try to dodge, but it clipped them on the side. She saw, but did not hear, Nathaniel's cry of pain as he was thrown against the wall; his eyelids fluttered, but Bartimaeus sent the Staff's energies out again, spearing the demon's questing form._

_Their arm collapsed limply to the side, the eyelids closed. What was going on? Why did Bartimaeus not wake him up? It was all wrong…he hadn't died here…neither of them had…_

_The dream dissolved into mist…_

* * *

Kitty opened her eyes slowly, only half aware of the dull, pounding pain behind her eyes; she was used to it by now. Sitting up, she spoke to the room at large. 

"You won't break me this way. I _will_ find the truth, and I _will_ find Nathaniel."

There was no answer; she had not expected one.

* * *

Some hours later, the phone rang again. Kitty groaned and opened her bedroom door, walking into the living room where Bartimaeus seemed to be watching the blank television screen intently. It probably had a fascinating aura on the seventh plane. 

"My, don't you look bedraggled," he said amusedly, eyeing her.

"Shut up," she said. "Why couldn't you get the phone?"

"What, you honestly want a wicked demon taking your calls?"

Kitty said nothing, but answered on the fourth ring. It was Piper again.

"Hello?"

"Kitty! I need your help!"

"You needed my help yesterday, and I passed out. What is it now?"

"It's about the summoning laws…"

"Oh, not again."

"We just checked the British Constitution and…well…we can't make any new amendments without the approval of a magician of at least the sixth level…"

"_What?_ Damn!" Kitty swore so loudly that Bartimaeus looked up and grinned at her.

"Erm…Kitty?"

"Sorry, Piper. Bad day. Who wrote _that_ law, anyway?"

"That would be Gladstone. And we do have a lot to thank him for…the Staff, for instance." Piper's voice was mildly reproachful.

"Yes, yes, but never mind that now. What about Mr. Button?"

"We considered him straight away, but apparently Mr. Devereaux deregistered him several years ago for not being "active", so he doesn't have a level."

"Well, what can _I_ do?" Kitty asked incredulously.

"Look for a sixth-level magician?" Piper pleaded.

"Where? Abroad?"

"Yes, don't you have a friend in Belgium? Perhaps he could track someone down…"

"Yes…perhaps…well, I'll look into it." Kitty bit her lip.

"Thanks, Kitty…we're all searching, keeping our hopes up."

"I should think so. See you."

"Goodbye, Kitty."

She hung up the phone and looked at Bartimaeus again, wondering if things could possibly get any worse.

* * *

Kind of shortish chapter…but oh well. Nathaniel's coming back in the next chapter! Yippee! And a surprising revelation…well, not so surprising for those of you who have read my title and my other story. Meh. Review please! 


	7. Don't Hurt Me Anymore

This chapter took me a while to think up…mostly because I had to think up some sort of _link_ for all of this. Kitty's visions, Nathaniel missing but not really dead…I added a new mystery that gives the story more depth in the end. It sort of just sprang into my head…I know how this story is going to end, but I have to put something in the middle. Ha, sorry for that big incomprehensive blurb. I know it doesn't really tell you anything.

Let's see…as promised, this is an almost all Nathaniel-centered chapter. It sort of explains things, as well as introducing a rather mysterious OC…Kitty receives another revelation at the end. Not too surprising, unless you haven't read my Amulet of Phasma Mortuus story or even the title of this fic. If not…I recommend it! I live on reviews for that one! And so, I have nicknamed this chapter…Whatever Happened to Nathaniel?

Disclaimer: This part of it is short, I promise! I don't own anything recognizable.

**

* * *

Don't Hurt Me Anymore**

"I feel it! I feel it!

It cuts like a knife…

I feel it! I feel it!

Just get out of my life…"

- _Twisting Again_

_Two Months Earlier…_

He couldn't move. Nathaniel had expected this, but was still unprepared for the anguish and hopelessness that rose within him then, like a wounded animal.

The thing was, he was still in pain. To be perfectly honest, Nathaniel had no rational explanation of why he wasn't dead yet…

He closed his eyes again, trying to block out everything he could, because (although he hated to admit it) he sort of _wished_ he were dead. It would take away the pain he felt both physically and emotionally, because right now Nathaniel was alone. There was no one here to help him up, to comfort him in this agony…it was this loneliness more than anything else that terrified him. Nathaniel opened his eyes again.

He was lying sprawled on his back in a forest of dark trees; it seemed to be late afternoon, because he could see the sun setting. This did not bode well…without light or magic, Nathaniel had no way of finding out where he was.

First things first, however…he had to find a way to get up. He felt vulnerable enough in a strange place; the fact that he was lying here, helpless, made it worse.

Nathaniel carefully placed his left hand on the ground, palm down, and pushed himself onto his good side. He bit his lip to stop himself crying out in pain; it would not be good to attract attention here. Gritting his teeth and trying to ignore the surging pain in his right side and shoulder, Nathaniel put his right hand on the ground and rolled himself onto his stomach with both elbows underneath him. There, that was a good start.

Next came the worst part. Groaning, he carefully pushed his knees underneath him and pulled himself up to a kneeling position, holding onto a nearby tree with his left hand. Only one thing left to do…he placed his right leg flat on the ground and pulled himself up onto both feet, still grasping the tree.

_At last…we are vertical!_ He recalled Faquarl speaking to Nouda as the spirits struggled to master their new bodies, and almost smiled in spite of himself.

Nathaniel gazed around him from a much better height, and saw he was right at the edge of the forest; he could see some sort of beach beyond him on one side, and a clearing just beyond him, with what looked like a pond at the center. He had a strange prickling feeling at the back of his neck, almost of recognition…no, it was no good, he couldn't recall. His mind was too stocked full of now-useless incantations. Sighing, he pushed away from the tree.

Nathaniel gasped as a wave of nausea threatened to consume him, and he swayed on his feet alarmingly; he fought down the urge to vomit, realizing he had moved too quickly. He grasped the tree to him again as if it were his only friend in this world, leaning his head against it and closing his eyes. This was not good…what a stupid situation to have landed himself in!

When he had stopped feeling ill, Nathaniel opened his eyes and looked around for a stick or staff of some sort. He had to get around somehow, and without Bartimaeus he had no support to stop himself crumpling to the ground yet again; his best bet was going to be a cane of sorts, however much it might make him feel like an old man.

Realizing he had no other choice, Nathaniel dropped to his hands and knees weakly and crawled towards a likely candidate by the next tree. The stick seemed to be taller than him, and sturdy, so he grasped it carefully and pushed himself upward again, cursing the weakness in his limbs. He now knew how Kitty had felt, coming back from the Other Place. It was a bit of a shame, really, that he was going to be a cripple at only seventeen years old.

Leaning heavily on his new staff, Nathaniel appraised his surroundings again. What was his best bet: the clearing or the beach? He decided on the clearing; it offered more shelter than any beach would, especially when he was feeling so vulnerable.

Carefully and yet heavily, favouring his left side, Nathaniel walked in between the trees towards the clearing. The more time he spent here, the more he recognized this place. Had he been here before, or seen it in a geography book? He would remember the name, surely…

Night fell as he reached the edge of the little pond which, he was rather disturbed to note, held no fish. It was as empty as if it were made of glass.

Come to think of it, had Nathaniel actually seen any living creature here, other than himself? There were only the trees, and he was beginning to doubt their reality as well. He wondered if there were magic in this place…but of what sort? It definitely wasn't the Other Place, where everything was chaotically connected and freewheeling, but it really didn't seem like Earth either.

Feeling rather disconcerted and slightly ill again, Nathaniel collapsed into a rough sitting position beside the pond. He leaned over carefully and placed his hands within the clear, cold water, cupped them towards his face and drank greedily.

Nathaniel splashed some more water on his face, but rather clumsily; much of it soaked into his torn clothes, soaking him to the point where he felt rather cold in the crisp night – if it was night – air. Shivering now, he found another tree to lean on.

The familiar lethargy washed over him once again, and he fought to stay awake. In truth, Nathaniel was afraid to sleep. After a time, however, his tortured body could bear it no longer; he lay down on the grass in the clearing and closed his eyes.

This was unlucky, because it was at that moment that a dozen dancing lights appeared in the trees, which was something he might have recognized…

The next morning (if it truly was the next morning…he might have been sleeping for days, for all he knew), Nathaniel awoke feeling even worse than they day before. The nausea seemed to have enveloped his body much worse than the numbness he had felt when he had first been wounded, which made it much more difficult to manoeuvre himself around than he would have liked in any circumstance. He dully thought that if had been anywhere on Earth they would have placed him in intensive care already, but it did nothing for his somewhat limited optimism.

Nathaniel thought he should at least have some more water, in any case; all science pointed towards the fact that life was impossible without it. Grasping his staff once again, he pushed himself to his feet, gasping as his stomach clenched sickeningly. He began to move forward slowly, still shivering. Nathaniel wondered if he was feverish; it wouldn't be surprising.

Every step caused him unbearable pain, and he wasn't the least surprised that he fell heavily after a single misstep, the breath coming out of his lungs in fitful gasps. The forest around him seemed to spin; then the weakness overpowered him, and he lost consciousness once again.

He awoke several hours later, but did not open his eyes. Someone was sponging his forehead with water…or that was what it felt like. He had never felt so ill in his life; Nathaniel wondered if this entire thing was all a hallucination, and now was when he would wake up and find himself in a London hospital…if it was true, he would see _her_ again…

He opened his eyes blearily. The world came gradually back into focus…the dark trees around him, and a figure above him…

"Kitty?" he whispered, lacking the strength to say much at all. The figure continued to dip its cloth into the pond and bathe his forehead, never speaking a word. His vision cleared, and he saw…

Nathaniel's eyes widened in surprise.

_

* * *

She saw him running along a corridor, glancing back over his shoulder. Kitty saw the pursuing figure: the mercenary, his boots shifting between planes, strange flickering shadows accosting him on all sides. Nathaniel was almost at the door to the room of treasures…it was all going to be fine…_

_The mercenary somehow escaped the shadows, flicking them off of him as if they were no more than rather persistent flies. Her throat tightened…the tall man plunged a hand into his coat, pulled out a long knife, and threw it with unmerciful precision…_

No_, Kitty said aloud_, no! This doesn't help me at all. Show me where he is!

_It was almost as if the dream had been waiting for her to ask; her surroundings dissolved into white mist, which quickly formed again into a schoolroom in someone's house; it seemed likely it was a magician's, judging by the scale and luxury with which it seemed to have been built._

_An older woman stood at a desk, rummaging through what looked like rough sketches of flowers and some pentacles; perhaps she was an art teacher? Kitty didn't know, but there was a familiar sort of air about her, all the same._

_A boy opened the door and walked inside; the woman turned to him, smiling. Kitty looked closely and saw that it was Nathaniel again, although he couldn't have been more than eleven. He was very pale, and seemed agitated, as though he seen a ghost. His eyes had an agonizing, haunted look._

_The woman spoke, but as in many of her visions, Kitty heard nothing. She glanced at Nathaniel, and saw that he was shaking…with anger, perhaps? Or was it fear? Whatever the reason, the woman seemed to notice; she ran over to him and gathered him into her arms, feeling his forehead with one hand. As she did so, Kitty saw the whole desk for the first time, including a small nameplate that read: Ms. Rosanna Lutyens._

_Lutyens…Lutyens…where had she heard it before? It awoke a spark within her memory…_

_Several men ran in, led by a handsome, dark-haired man with little round glasses and wide teeth that just now were bared with absolute malice. He gestured; Nathaniel was pulled from Ms. Lutyens' grasp and suspended upside in the air. He wriggled and squirmed as though something were beating him; the art teacher seemed to lose her control, running at the dark-haired magician as though she wanted to hit him. She was restrained by two of his companions, but Kitty could see her yelling at them, her face contorted with fury, as Nathaniel was released and hit the floor, unconscious._

_Ms. Lutyens…_

* * *

Kitty sat up in bed, ignoring the pain that had flared behind her eyes yet again. She stared straight ahead of her in shock, as memories long forgotten flooded her brain. 

It had happened scarcely more than a year ago, before the end of the Second Resistance, where she had met Kevin. The group had searched for a certain artefact that she needed Bartimaeus' aid to acquire; she had asked Ms. Lutyens for John Mandrake's birth name, and she had consented…if Kitty agreed to protect him. Then they had gone together, and their journey had brought them to –

That, of course, was it.

She sprang out of bed, well aware that it was half past two, and called for the djinni throughout the house. He looked up at her questioningly when she found him seated on a bookshelf, examining her copy of _Eye of Ptolemy_.

"What is it?" he asked, appearing mildly interested to see her half-dressed and dishevelled, but more alive than she had appeared in two months.

"Bartimaeus," Kitty said slowly, "what if Nathaniel really wasn't dead? What if Nouda brought him somewhere in his own death that only demons can access by themselves?"

The djinni stared at her.

"You don't mean – not _Phasma Mortuus_?"

* * *

Whew, that took a while! Another cliff-hanger, you guys must hate me! Next chapter coming next week, please review! I missed some of you guys last time! 


	8. Questioning Humanity

I updated as fast as I could, because you guys were all killing me over my last cliff-hanger! Well, I don't really blame you…

I pick up where I left off with Nathaniel, showing a bit more of what happened in those two months after his "death", and I also move on to Kitty as she…er…takes a walk. Sorry, there isn't a lot of action yet…I have to fill in Nathaniel's two-month gap before I can stick Kitty and Bart back in here.

Disclaimer: I still haven't kidnapped Jonathan Stroud and made him hand over the copyrights to his books…

**

* * *

Questioning Humanity**

"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down,  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me?"

_- Help_ (The Beatles)

A young girl stood over him, dipping her cloth in the water again. She couldn't have been more than six or seven years old, and yet a certain serenity hung about her…it was this much that surprised Nathaniel.

She was very small, with rather plain brown hair in a plait down her back. Her face was thin and somewhat pale, and her eyes were very green. It was truly the eyes which made him question her humanity, but she was too solid to be one of the demons, and in any case why would one of them help him?

Nathaniel rasped out a question to her, but his voice wasn't there. He coughed, cleared his throat and tried again.

"Who are you?"

The girl fixed him with her disturbing emerald eyes, but did not say a word.

Within a few hours, he was able to sit up again without feeling nauseous. The girl, too, sat in front of him as he leaned back against a tree. She still had not said anything too him, simply staring and staring until it was rather unnerving.

Nathaniel's exhausted mind, meanwhile, was going into overdrive again. Why was he here, and where was here? Where was Nouda? Why had he been allowed to live? And where had the girl come from? He wondered if she, too, had been touched by a dying demon and brought here as well…

And with that thought, he understood everything. It was too simple, all too simple: Phasma Mortuus.

How had he not seen it before? Nathaniel had killed Nouda with the Staff, he was sure of it, but Nouda must have done something else…he remembered the demon reaching for him…had he perhaps been imprisoned here? For what purpose? Why hadn't Nouda just left him to die?

It was obvious, that last bit. The powerful demon obviously knew that pain and helplessness were a worse punishment than a quick, easy death. And no one would ever know, believing that his remnants had been destroyed like the demon…

Kitty, he thought, Kitty could figure it out. But how? He had no way of sending a message to her, trapped her as he was. He certainly didn't have the strength or the materials to summon Bartimaeus or any demon to bring him back. Of course, Nathaniel thought despairingly, Nouda would have accounted for all that.

And so Nathaniel, renowned for his exceptional mind, had no idea how he was to get out of this situation. _Stupid,_ he thought, _it was so stupid to go after Nouda!_ There might have been another way, any other way, one that didn't involve him getting trapped on an island where demon's souls roamed. One, perhaps, that involved both him and Kitty getting out of this alive, along with all the commoners…

Nathaniel had never felt so alone, so abandoned. Not even a slave was here to help him, however grudgingly. He looked up, remembering the girl.

"Do you – er – have a name?" he asked.

The girl didn't answer, but something stirred in the back of his mind. What was that? Her eyes were fixed intently on him. Perhaps she didn't have a name? Would he perhaps have to give her one?

"Erm…" he thought a moment, and his mind fell on Kitty once again. "Can I call you Kathleen, for now? After a friend?"

The girl smiled at him then, a sweet smile, but one that seemed to encompass all the sorrows of the world. Again, that stirring in his mind, almost as a probe…and, all at once, an insane and rather irrational idea struck him. Was the girl, Kathleen now, reading his mind?

Even if she was, and it was rather impossible that anyone could do such a thing, what was she looking for that she though he wouldn't share with her? After all, she seemed to be his only companion, trapped as he was. All the same…

"Kathleen, are you doing something to me?"

She looked at him blankly, her eyes fathomless. He found himself strangely drawn to her, as if hers was a power he wished to add to his own…

There, a little shake of the head. He was imagining it all. Unless she was lying…but Nathaniel didn't want to believe that of her, his only companion in this godforsaken place. Literally godforsaken…he allowed himself a small smile.

Kathleen smiled back, cocking her head at him.

* * *

I was literally astounded at the changes I had seen in Kitty over the past few days. Ever since she had thought up her Nathaniel's-alive-on-Phasma-Mortuus theory, there was a new spring in her step that I didn't really want to ruin. 

It wasn't that I didn't believe in her; on the contrary, I wanted Nathaniel back as well, at least so I could give him a good whack around the head and a piece of my mind. The thing was that this seemed just…just so _unlikely._ Why wouldn't Nouda just kill the guy and have done with it?

Unless he had wanted Nathaniel to suffer. _That_, perhaps, would explain it…but wouldn't the kid die when he got to Phasma Mortuus anyway? There was nothing to explain how he could still be alive…like I had said to him, I'm no medic, but I could tell how much of my own energy forces had been used just to stop him falling over. Humans can't lose that much blood and just bounce back up like it's nothing; that's what gives spirits such an advantage in wars, as long as our essences are up to scratch.

So even if he _had _survived, I thought personally that he wouldn't have kept on living much longer anyway. First of all, he was alone in every possible sense of the term. Second of all, he was so emotionally frail (I knew this from long experience) that he probably wouldn't do a lot to try to save himself anyway. Third of all…all right, you get the point. But what was I supposed to tell Kitty?

I'd had enough experience of her obsessive little ideas to know that, no matter what I told her, she wasn't going to let this little spark of hope die out. I sincerely hoped, myself, that she wouldn't get her dreams dashed or her heart broken pursuing what I thought to be a hopeless quest.

I wandered around her little flat for a bit, contemplating far more intelligent things than what I have told you, until I finally found her in her bedroom, reading what looked like an encyclopaedia. I cleared Ptolemy's throat.

"Erm…what are you looking for?"

"Phasma Mortuus, of course," she said brightly, not even looking up from her page. "I want to make sure I know everything possible before I try to find him there."

"Look, Kitty," I said haltingly, "I know you've got your heart set on this, but I think you should consider -"

"The fact that he might not be alive, even if he somehow did get to Phasma Mortuus? Thanks, Bartimaeus, but I'm really not that much of an idiot. I know how little chance there is of it happening…"

"You've hit the nail on the head." I sat down on the floor cross-legged.

"But I still want to try. Remember the revolt? There was no chance of – of _him_ getting the Staff, and basically no chance of me getting to you in the Other Place. But both plans still worked! It doesn't matter how small the chance is, as long as it's still there!"

I stared at her for a moment. This was one of those times when it's best to keep silent, but I cared too much about Kitty.

"You don't have any real proof." I said it as gently as I could, but her head still snapped up angrily and she fixed me with two angry, shadowed eyes.

"What do you suppose these visions are, if not proof? Why would I have them if not to get the necessary information to save him?" I could hear the intense desperation in her voice, but I was determined to put my two cents in, for all they were worth.

"Kitty, you know some of your – _visions­_ – aren't real. What if that last one was – well – just a dream? Like the one about the golem?"

She made an unidentifiable noise of extreme frustration.

"I've _told_ you, Bartimaeus, I didn't see him on Phasma Mortuus! I saw the one memory he had that would give me the vital clue to what happened when Nouda touched him!"

"But -" I began, but Kitty cut me off. She seemed to have worked herself into a passionate fury.

"Why can't you, of all the people and spirits in the world, believe me? This is something I believe, something that I _know_ has to be true. I'm not just dreaming, everything has happened to me for a reason!"

We stared at each other for another moment. Then she stood up suddenly.

"Come," she said, "I want to show you something."

* * *

Kitty led Bartimaeus to St. James Park. The fury that had flared within her at Bartimaeus' flat refusal to believe in her once again had ebbed away gradually, leaving her feeling rather drained. 

No one truly understood her anymore. Not even _he_ had, when the spirits were trying to destroy the very world around them. Why was it that every proof she ever gave anyone was seen as minute, not worthy of consideration by the "intelligent" people, or even spirits like Bartimaeus? It was this that had led the first Resistance to their deaths, and the second Resistance to their culmination. _Except for Kevin,_ she thought to herself, _Kevin always believed in me…_but there was too much bitterness, too much grief, too much raw emotion within her, with no time or place to let it out. Sometimes Kitty questioned her own humanity.

They had reached the place she wanted to see again, the silver statue of John Mandrake glittering with frost. And beneath it, an identifying plaque that she had read so often during the two months since his death that Kitty had it practically memorized.

"Read it," she hissed at the djinni beside her.

The words shone silver in the sun setting behind them.

_John Mandrake, born Nathaniel, lived from November 4, 1989, to September 23, 2005. He served the government as Internal Affairs minister from 2001 to 2003, and Information Minister from 2004 until his death. He died while defending the city from renegade spirits, helping establish the new governmental system. He will not be forgotten._

This would be the right part, Kitty thought sarcastically, for the emotionally unstable heroine of the story to dissolve into tears at reading the words that confirmed the death of her dearest one. But her eyes were as dry as they always were.

"Can't you see?" she said, turning to Bartimaeus who, predictably, had finished reading long before her. "This is what I've had to live with these past few months. All that remains of him is a few words on a piece of metal, and if that was all you had to think about, you might go out of your way to find a way to change it as well."

The djinni said nothing, staring upward at the frozen face of a boy that she couldn't believe to be dead.

* * *

Woohoo! Loved that chappie! Now tell me…who do you think "Kathleen" really is? All right, I've given you very little information, but still…guess, it'll amuse me! Reviews please, I love you all! 


	9. Instability

Yay! Almost at 50 reviews, and I'm not even halfway done! Unfortunately, you guys will have to wait two weeks for Chapter 10…I'm going to be away next weekend. Sorry! Yes…I've been busy this week, I have finished the official plan for this story and it shall be a total of 20 chapters long. Woohoo!

Oh, yes, one more disturbing thought…do you wonder how I know the year Nathaniel dies? Easy really: Bartimaeus says in PG that Ptolemy died two thousand one hundred and twenty nine years ago, so if you calculate from the date in Alexandria it equals 2004! Weird, huh? Well, I thought so.

In this chapter, Nathaniel discovers something rather…disconcerting about his situation on the island, and Kitty's visions take a surprising turn…also, MAJOR very hidden and indirect clue as to what Kathleen is. Ha-ha, I'm so evil.

Disclaimer: In the week that has passed since I last posted a chapter, I still haven't had the time to buy the copyrights to the Bartimaeus Trilogy…yes, I'm bitter.

**

* * *

Instability**

"I always thought I was the tough one,

The one who would never have to cry…

But now I just can't take you from my mind,

'Cuz you were here, standing here, not saying goodbye…"

- _Twisting Again_

Everything was slow going on Phasma Mortuus.

For Nathaniel, even walking three feet was a challenge, and despite Kathleen's aid, she just wasn't big enough to truly help him. And on top of everything else, neither of them had eaten in days. They were lucky to have water.

The depression that had haunted him in the days before the demons' revolt was taking hold of Nathaniel's mind again, combined with a helplessness that could only come from his pathetic situation. He didn't know if his small companion was alright; mostly she just sat and stared at him, never saying a word. Nathaniel had never seen a child like her, not (as he frequently reminded himself) that he had ever known many children. But from his rather basic knowledge of her age group he could draw the simple conclusion that Kathleen was _not_ normal.

With a solemn serenity that he had never possessed himself, she cared for him dutifully until Nathaniel could at least sit up against a tree without passing out. He even tried standing up a couple more times again, but the girl couldn't care for him there. More often than out he would collapse back on the ground again, the sweat pouring from his face over his beleaguered features.

What would it have been like to have died on Earth? The question preoccupied him more than anything else. It was all down to Nouda, of course; he wanted to cause Nathaniel as much pain as possible. If only he had never been a magician! Everything he had learned throughout his entire, rather short life was useless to him now.

Nathaniel sighed. There were, obviously, reasons why it was a good thing he had been made a magician; the Staff, for instance, would never have been activated, and he wouldn't have been the only one who died during the attack.

He looked up at Kathleen again, wondering once again if she could read his mind, only to find that she wasn't in front of him anymore. She had apparently wandered off, leaving him alone in the glade once again.

Nathaniel's heart rose into his throat and his stomach clenched so tight it was almost painful. What if she had gotten lost, or worse, been attacked by something? His thoughts immediately went to Nouda, who was obviously on the island. What if the maddened spirit found her? Kathleen would be easy prey.

A certain fear-induced strength rose within him then, and Nathaniel pushed himself once again to his feet. He leaned heavily on the staff and set off in a probable direction, his legs shaking beneath him.

_

* * *

This time she stood with Nathaniel, on a beach she recognized as Phasma Mortuus. He spoke to her, although, as in many of her dreams, she couldn't hear a word of what was said. He was as pale as death, in her eyes, but he smiled slightly as he spoke to her and even laughed, once. She wished she could hear him; Nathaniel had a nice laugh._

_Suddenly, he was leaning towards her…what was this? Kitty looked into his eyes, seeing the terrible sorrow there, but beneath the surface was a wild happiness that she felt surge through her own body…_

Kitty awoke with a start, breathing heavily as the pain flared within her head.

"Bartimaeus!" she cried out, feeling frightened.

The djinni appeared at the door, leaning on the doorframe with obvious boredom etched on his features.

"What now? Haven't we had enough excitement yet, or did you want me to hold your hand or something?"

"I saw something…"

"Obviously. But from the look on your face, it might have been Nathaniel doing the hula."

"No, nothing like that…" she winced at his use of the name.

"Headache?"

"I'm fine…but Bartimaeus, do you think my visions could show the _future_?"

The djinni studied her thoughtfully.

"I don't know…the future's a pretty vague sort of thing. There are so many possibilities that it's almost impossible to see that far in truthfully…"

"_Almost_ impossible?"

"There have been exceptions. The Other Place sometimes allows us glimpses of what is to come in the human world." The djinni shrugged. "Why?"

"It's just…what I saw, just now, couldn't possibly have happened already. And I know it wasn't just a dream…visions _feel _different, somehow."

"So you saw Nathaniel?"

"I was beside him…on Phasma Mortuus." She shot him a glare. "Which might prove that that's what happened to him after all."

"What was he doing?"

Kitty blushed. _That_ part was private! There were limits to what she would tell a spirit! The djinni nodded, however, as if she'd spoken.

* * *

Nathaniel sank against a tree, exhausted. He was almost near the edge of the forest, and Kathleen was still nowhere to be seen. How could she have gotten so far without him noticing? Admittedly his mind was pretty foggy, half into delirium through pain and slight fever, but still… 

He winced as his hand brushed against a rough section of the bark. He had probably scratched himself badly, on top of everything else. Nathaniel glanced at the palm of his hand to see if it was bleeding, but instead received a shock that reverberated throughout his entire body.

His hand was unblemished, the skin as whole as if it had never met an obstacle. There was no sign of any scratch.

Nathaniel's hand went automatically to his side. He winced; that wound was still there. Why, then…

Determined to find the truth of the matter, Nathaniel reached down to a thorny bush beside the tree and plucked off a prickly branch. Roughly, he dragged it across his wrist, biting back a yelp of pain as the needle-sharp thorns pierced his skin.

Or did they? After the initial pain, he felt nothing, nothing at all. There was no laceration, no mark, no_ anything._ A chill passed through Nathaniel's spine.

"Dear God and all the powers help me now," he whispered. "What's happening to me?"

* * *

Sorry that was so short, hopefully you got that little clue…and no, Nathaniel is not Superman. Ahem, I'm off to watch to Smallville now. See you in two weeks, hope you won't hate me! 


	10. Friday Night

Boo! I'm baaaack…and look, I have over 50 reviews! I love life! Oh, and I updated my profile, too. I like it better now.

In this chapter, Kitty is pretty much ready to take off, until she remembers something…Nathaniel finds Kathleen again (hope you weren't too worried), and finds out something rather sad about his situation. Pretty simple chapter, but necessary to the storyline. Ahem, Kitty's little spaz attack is inspired by Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Mostly Kitty-centered chapter and Bart-centered. I've been forgetting to put things in his point of view! Also some foreshadowing if you look closely!

Disclaimer: I'm sure you're just as tired as I am of seeing these…but I don't care anymore, I'm not writing another word here! Sue me, read the other ones…I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! AAAAAAAGH!

Ahem, sorry. Here you are.

**

* * *

Friday Night**

"How could this happen to me?  
I've made my mistakes,  
got nowhere to run,  
the night goes on,  
As I'm fading away…  
I'm sick of this life,  
I just wanna scream,  
How could this happen to me?"

- _Untitled_ (Simple Plan)

Kitty sat up groggily, rubbing her forehead where she had hit it on the banister. Bartimaeus walked by the stairwell, then stopped and quickly retraced his steps until he was in front of here again. He cocked his head at her.

"You have a purple bump on your forehead."

"I'm not surprised," she said, grimacing. "I fell down."

"You mean like _klutzy_ fell down or…"

"No. It was another vision."

The djinni sighed. This was getting old.

"And what did you see this time?"

Kitty looked at him.

"A mountain," she said, biting her lip. "We were all on it, the three of us…and someone else. I couldn't see who…but who else could possibly be there?"

"Who indeed?" Bartimaeus twiddled his thumbs, not even looking at her any more.

Kitty stood up suddenly, clutching the dreaded banister for support.

"This is getting out of control. We need to get to Phasma Mortuus _now_." The ultimate resolution in her voice recalled her earlier Resistance days.

"Um…how about no?"

Kitty's eyes snapped towards him, her temper getting the better of her once again because of lack of sleep.

"So after all this, you think I'm just dreaming? That I'm so desperate to get him back that I'll just run off after the slightest thing? This is _real_, Bartimaeus, Nathaniel's is on that island and _we must get him back_." She glared at him, but the djinni seemed unfazed.

"Whatever. But aren't you forgetting what day it is?"

"IF YOU THINK I WOULD CARE -"

"Don't you have a date tonight? You aren't going to blow off that guy _again_, are you?"

Kitty stared at him, her anger fizzling away.

"Oh my God," she said. "I forgot…what time is it? And _hold on a second_…were you listening in on my phone conversation?"

The djinni shrugged. "Survival instinct."

"Right." Kitty snapped her fingers in frustration. "He could be here any minute! What am I supposed to say?"

"You could just go."

"But -"

"Just go, Kitty. If Nathaniel's really alive on Phasma Mortuus, he'll keep."

Kitty glared at him again, and then raced upstairs to change clothes.

* * *

Nathaniel stumbled out of the cover of the trees onto the beach again, feeling both extreme fatigue and extreme panic. Where was the little girl? If she had gotten hurt, or… 

Wait. Wasn't that her, crouching in the sand? He limped over, leaning heavily on his staff, relief seeping through his body and leaving only fatigue. He collapsed beside her on the beach.

"Where – were you?" Nathaniel asked her, his breath coming out in fitful gasps.

Kathleen looked at him solemnly, then returned her gaze to what seemed to be the ocean around the island. Nathaniel could have sworn she was looking for someone…but who?

"Are you waiting for someone?" he said. The girl said nothing, yet a small smile showed at the corners of her mouth. Did Kathleen know something? She was starting to worry him, almost in an inhuman way…Nathaniel stared out at the ocean, willing for something to come and take away all his fears.

As it happened, he didn't have to wait very long.

* * *

The doorbell rang, so I slouched lazily to the door as Ptolemy. I had considered taking Kitty's form, as I had so many times in the past few years, but that would have been confusing. Awkward questions might have been asked, and she would have gotten into some trouble…ah, well. 

I turned the handle and pulled the door open almost casually, as if seeing just how lazily I could do it. The moonlight from outside streamed in, and I saw the guy standing on Kitty's doorstep.

My first thoughts were…well, _big deal_. I suppose he was good-looking enough, with brown hair that was longer than Nathaniel's military cut and nice-looking blue eyes. He was smiling and holding some daffodils…yes, they were daffodils. He had a nice smile on until he saw me; the corners of his mouth pulled down somewhat, and his eyes narrowed at me incredulously.

I supposed this had to be Kevin.

"Um…" the young man looked at quite a loss for what to say. "Sorry to intrude, but – who the _hell_ are you?"

I smiled a menacing smile, and cracked Ptolemy's fingers a bit.

"Oh, I like to fancy myself a bit further down then that," I said wickedly.

He didn't seem very fazed. Did he think I was joking, or was he simply not educated enough to guess my true identity? You'd think that seeing an Egyptian boy in a…oh, wait. I was wearing modern English-style clothes…never mind that last thought.

"No, honestly…" he began, but was interrupted by a whirlwind of dark-haired teenage girl that shoved me aside.

"Kevin!" she said brightly, as though she had been waiting for this and only this all week. "This is my – erm – cousin! Shall we go?"

"Cousin?" said Kevin, puzzled.

"_Cousin_?" I said, floored by this extraordinary pronouncement. I caught Kitty's look, though, and played along. "Kitty, I would prefer to be called your _third_ cousin. You're not very good at remembering family ties."

"Anyway," Kitty said, turning back to her date, relieved, "he's staying with me for a couple days."

"You don't have to look after him?"

"_What?_" This was too much. "I'm thousands of years older than her! I take that as an insult, human!"

Kitty went pale, her eyes wide with fear. Oops.

"Fine," I said. "But I _am _fourteen."

This much was stated with as much fake teenage pride as I could muster. I turned on Ptolemy's heel and marched over to the television. I flicked the remote to a random channel and stared at it, pretending to be engrossed.

All this incredible acting was lost upon the two older teens, however, as they were smiling at each other. God, this was too much.

Kevin took Kitty by the arm and led her outside to where his shiny black car was parked outside. Geez, this guy had _class_…his tux matched perfectly with Kitty's red dress. That kind of planning takes _brainpower_.

Not that I'm insulting the human race, or anything.

* * *

The black shadow came from far away on the beach, but Nathaniel sensed it far before it arrived. It was almost like a pulsing within his mind, a presence of long suffering turned to corrupted evil… 

Then Nouda came.

Although the great spirit was transparent like all his other dead kin, his transparency seemed to have more of a shape than that of other lost souls. It was black and tainted with death, deception, and evil long done…not that Nathaniel had expected anything else. Still, it did not lessen the feeling of cold, sharp claws gripping his heart; his mind cried out in pain and terror, although he himself did not make a sound. The girl beside him continued to gaze out to sea.

"Kathleen," he whispered, "I want you to run, as fast as you can, back to the clearing."

The girl stared at him with her green eyes, and once more Nathaniel felt that strange presence in the back of his mind…then it was gone; she nodded once, and did indeed run.

Nathaniel turned to face Nouda himself, the same strength that had raced through his limbs earlier returning once again. It seemed now an old confrontation, between powerful magician and merciless demon, like something written in the oldest books of magical history; but these books never described such things taking place on a secret island world where the souls of demons deceased wandered…

Nouda smiled the smile that Nathaniel remembered from the face of Quentin Makepeace; a smile of wild, inhuman joy as that of one who has got their heart's desire. He shuddered, recent memories consuming him.

"What have you done?" Nathaniel said levelly, keeping the fear from his voice.

"I might ask you the same thing," said Nouda, a growl rumbling from within his ghostly throat.

Nathaniel smiled thinly.

"If you mean what I have done by destroying you, I'd say I've done a pretty good job of saving my world from destruction by your hands."

The demon laughed, and he shuddered again.

"Do you really think," Nouda said, "that it will make any difference? More magicians will rise up and enslave the spirits. Eventually one of us will find a way for revenge once again…that, too, is a continuous cycle, if a long one. There might not be one like you the next time."

Nathaniel glared daggers at the ghost. "You don't know that." He was thinking of Kitty.

"But now I have a question," he continued, twisting his hands behind his back. "Why am I here, and why is the little girl here?"

"What little girl?" The demon seemed surprised.

"The one I told to hide. I know you saw her, she was sitting right -"

Nathaniel stopped. Nouda was looking at him strangely, almost triumphantly, as though he thought the human's mind had cracked because of the strain and hallucinations were setting in. _Anything to cause me pain_, he thought, leaning on his staff. But whatever it was, the most powerful of all the demons on Phasma Mortuus could not see Kathleen.

* * *

"So, where are you taking me?" Kitty asked, twiddling her thumbs in the front seat of Kevin's car. 

"The theatre. Don't worry, it's not a bad play!" Kevin said quickly, correctly interpreting the look on her face. "It's not even a musical. They've decided to show Shakespeare again, now that Makepeace's works have been banned. Thank God…"

"_The_ William Shakespeare?"

"Yeah, he goes back a while, doesn't he? They're playing the tragedy of _Romeo and Juliet_ tonight…" Kevin blushed bright red, and Kitty giggled.

Ten minutes later, the two of them were sitting in one of the old magician's boxes of Makepeace's old theatre. Kitty couldn't help looking around her carefully as they sat down; she recalled all too well her last sojourn here with – _him_.

_Don't even _start_ thinking about that_, she told herself sternly. _You're going to relax and have fun tonight._

They sat down just as the curtain was opening to the famous first scene between the two rival Italian families.

"A dog of the house of Montague moves me!" one of the characters began. Kitty laughed; it was interesting to hear good dialogue after so many years of dreading the theatre. Kevin smiled at her.

It wasn't until the great balcony scene that Kitty began to feel uncomfortable.

"What light on yonder window breaks?" cried Romeo. "It is the East, and Juliet is the sun…"

Kevin's arm had somehow wound its way about her shoulders. She fidgeted slightly in her seat.

"O Rise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon! For she is already sick and pale with grief, that thy vestal livery art far more fair than she…"

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Juliet answered. Kitty turned her head towards Kevin, and he bent down and pressed his lips to hers.

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name…"

Kitty leapt up in shock, her eyes wide as she stared at him. Then she grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the box into the corridor.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, her voice shaking with suppressed anger and shock.

"Kitty, I love you. Can't you see that much?"

"Sometimes I see more than I want to, actually," Kitty replied, shivering as she thought of her recent visions.

"Are you cold?"

"No," she said wildly, her thought returned to Nathaniel, "no, I'm not."

"Stop lying to me, Kitty. Why does it bother you so much?"

"I'm -" What right did he have to ask her such things? "I'm not ready for that kind of relationship, all right? Why can't we just -"

"Oh, stop it." She looked at him, surprised at his tone. Kevin's face was suddenly flushed with anger.

"Who is it, then?" he demanded. "Who _else_ are you seeing?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Is it that boy who answered the door? I knew he wasn't really your cousin or whatever, but I never thought -"

"I'm not seeing _anyone_!" Kitty shouted, gritting her teeth angrily. "How _dare_ you even suggest that?"

"Maybe," said Kevin furiously, "it's because most everything you've told me in the past few weeks has been nothing but lies."

Kitty opened her mouth to retort, but found she did not know what to say.

"See? You can't even deny it! It's obvious, Kitty. You never meet my eyes, you always leave early, and you haven't called me for the past three days…"

"I believe," Kitty said dangerously, her voice suddenly low, "that I'm allowed to have my own secrets. Why should I have to tell you everything?"

Kevin stared at her, the anger fading from his eyes.

"I love you, Kitty," he said. "I love you with every inch of my heart and soul, and I want to spend every minute of every day with you for the rest of my life. Why can't you trust me?"

"There are some things," she retorted, "that are no one's business, and I don't have to tell anyone!"

His hand brushed her cheek, but Kitty pulled away.

"I think I'll take a taxi home," she said softly. "I'm not feeling well."

Kitty left without her coat and without looking back.

* * *

"What have you done to me?" Nathaniel demanded. Nouda's eyes flashed. 

"You'd like to know that, wouldn't you?"

"I would," he replied softly. "It concerns more than just me. You may hurt me in any way you choose, but I will not give you any satisfaction."

Nouda laughed again, and a cold bead of sweat raced down Nathaniel's spine.

"It's not a matter of what I could do to hurt you," the demon said, "but of what I _won't _do to hurt you."

"_What have you done_!" he cried, his terror consuming him.

And, leaning forward in the half-light of the sunrise, Nouda told him.

* * *

Whoo! That was really long! Sorry for the cliffie...Necessary, though. Mwahahahahahaha...no one will know what Nouda said for at least another three or four chapters! Hope everyone picked up the new clues about Kathleen...Hope you liked it, new chappie up next week or maybe earlier! 


	11. Arrival

Sorry, slow update here…hope you liked that last one! I got lots of reviews for it, which was nice…and now that I've got the story completely planned out, things might be able to go a bit quicker. I got some interesting reviews…prominent among them were people asking if Kathleen was a ghost (no, sorry), what Nouda told Nathaniel (which won't be discovered right away), and one that wanted me to kill off Kevin to make Kitty feel guilty…sorry, no! I have everything worked out on a single sheet of paper, whether you like it or not…mwahahahahaha! Ahem.

Kitty _finally_ gets to Phasma Mortuus in this chapter (last time, it only took three or four chapters to get her there…funny how things work out) with Bartimaeus' help. The most predictable outcome you could imagine happens…A HAPPY REUNION! Ish…Kitty discovers something special that has happened to her, and a plan is made…And something else really kind of creepy with Kathleen…notice the title is based off yet another Smallville episode. And sorry, the little song has basically nothing to do with the chapter...

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, I own nothing, blah, blah, blah…except for setting and my two OCs…not that we'll be seeing Kevin again for a long, long time…

**

* * *

Arrival**

"Pitiful creature of darkness,

What kind of life have you known?

God give me courage to show you,

You are not alone…"

- _Phantom of the Opera_ (Andrew Lloyd Webber)

Kitty gently turned the doorknob of her flat, cursing the creaky door. She wanted to enter as unobtrusively as possible, but not because she had stayed out late; quite the contrary.

It felt as if someone had lit a burning brand in her mind. Her anger seemed to consume her body; her hands shook with ill-concealed emotion. There were no tears, though; no tears for the things he had said.

How _dare_ he think her unfaithful? There was only him for her, and he should have known from the moment he had seen her sitting alone on that statue only weeks ago. As for lying to him…well, she hadn't really done that outright. More like…concealing private things. Kevin wasn't Bartimaeus; he could never understand Nath-

And there was where she stopped herself. Best to wait until morning to decide what to do about Kevin and – and _him_.

"Back so soon, Lady Daffodil?"

Kitty started. Instead of quietly sneaking off to her bedroom, she had been meandering throughout the house and right into the living room. And there, of course, was Bartimaeus.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said stiffly.

"Then…what are you doing here? Have you ever noticed that when people say they don't want to talk about something, it usually means they _really_ want to talk about it _really _bad?"

"Shut up." Kitty rubbed her head, wondering if she should talk or just go to bed. She didn't want to face anything to do with Kevin or _him_…

And in that instant she made up her mind.

"Bartimaeus, I need you to take me to Phasma Mortuus."

"What, now?"

"Yes, now. Why else would I have asked?"

"I dunno…but you aren't even, erm, packed or anything…and I bet you're hungry…"

"None of that matters." Kitty's voice was firm and resolved. "Come over here and take me!"

"Wait one sec." The djinni was scrutinising her. "What did that guy say to you? Was it something about Nat?"

"Nothing." Kitty didn't meet his eyes.

* * *

Nothing, of course. How I could I imagine her response to be anything else? 

Kitty had done quite a lot of lying in the past few days, which was unlike her. I was probably the only person who knew about her visions, not to mention what happened to Nathaniel in the Glass Palace…but here she was, lying even to me!

I seriously doubted that Kevin what's-his-name knew _anything_ about Nathaniel except his other name, John Mandrake (his statue _was_ in the park, after all…), so I couldn't imagine what the poor boy could have possibly said that had caused her to flee. Perhaps he had asked her to marry him, and she had been terrified? No, that wouldn't be like her. If that were the situation and she had run away, then perhaps she felt guilty because of…

_Oh_. Of course…how had I not seen it before? I was treading on dangerous ground here…

"Listen, Kitty…" I began, seeing she was packing a backpack (as per my suggestion). "Don't you think you should maybe consider…"

"What?"

"Consider the fact that Nathaniel might not be there?"

"I TOLD YOU, I'VE SEEN -"

"I know, _I know_, don't spaz at me again. All I'm trying to say is…well, maybe he left there already. It's been a few months, after all."

Kitty twisted her lip.

"And anyways," I ploughed on fearlessly, "don't you think that, erm…you might be grasping at any small chance of seeing him because of your feelings? I mean," I babbled, because the look on her face was suddenly murderous, "not that I'm presuming anything…but I kinda think you might have more – _personal_ motives for getting him back other than the sanctity of an innocent life. OK, _semi_-innocent -"

"Well, you thought wrong. Are we going then?" Kitty didn't meet my eyes, and I knew that (once again) my stunning insights were correct. I sighed.

"Give me your hands." She held them out, but then hesitated.

"Wait!"

Sprinting back into the living room, she opened a secret door on the side of the ornament cabinet. Carefully, she drew out a shining silver knife and stuck it in the belt loop on the back of her jeans. Her shirt covered it quite nicely, but I could feel its cold aura from halfway across the room.

"All right," she said, crossing back to me and placing both her hands in mine. "I'm ready."

* * *

Nathaniel sat back down hard upon the beach as Nouda faded back into the shadows. His heart seemed to have taken residence in his throat, and his eyes burned with tears of rage and grief. His life's course might as well have been ended now, but he was trapped in this nightmare. Nathaniel had evaded death only to come upon suffering much worse than he could have imagined. 

But no…it was best not to think of the situation at the moment. He had to put his hopefully undiminished mind to work on how to get _out_ of here.

Kathleen softly sat down beside and placed a tiny arm around his shoulders. It was a small comfort, but one he needed desperately. He placed his head between his knees, his shoulders shaking with grief and hopelessness; the girl made soft cooing noises to him, the only sound he had ever heard her make.

It was only when she was deathly silent once again that Nathaniel looked up. Her face was blank, but she was staring off into the distance, where he could see something foggy and indistinguishable taking shape…

A gasp escaped his lips, and in his mind he ran over the fantastic and terrible creatures that guarded Phasma Mortuus…what if he was no longer considered a welcome guest?

It was only when he saw the Egyptian boy and the thin girl with the short black hair that a cry of wonder escaped from him instead. He pushed himself to his feet with some difficulty and set off towards what we hoped was not an apparition…

The girl had fainted on the sand and Bartimaeus (if it was he) was now standing around, looking bored. Their eyes met for a second, and the djinni's widened in surprise; evidently his presence was somewhat unexpected. But why?

He walked gingerly over to them, noticing Kathleen tailing behind him and grinning from ear to ear.

"Is this what you were waiting for?" he asked her, remembering her long sojourn at this very spot on the beach. The girl looked at him solemnly…and Bartimaeus sauntered over, leaving Kitty on the ground.

"Erm…hello there," the djinni said slowly, squinting at him; Nathaniel caught the telltale flash of his eyes as he accessed each of the planes in turn. "It's really you, is it?"

"Yes," he replied. "How did you -"

"And you're – you're all right, are you?" Nathaniel heard the uncomfortable tone in the djinni's voice and understood why it was there; he had, after all, saved Bartimaeus' life only days before.

"As well as can be expected." He kept his voice cool. "And – Kitty!" Nathaniel ran to her side. "What's wrong with her, why is she -"

"Oh, _that_. Don't worry, no human has ever been brought here in full consciousness; something to do with an overload of magical energy -"

"Bartimaeus…_look_…"

The two of them stared at Kitty, who was showing some signs of waking up. It wasn't that that surprised them, however; it was that, for the first time since either of them had last seen her, Kitty's face had regained its youth. It was as young and flawless as that of any girl her age…but what could have caused it?

Her eyes flickered open and Nathaniel stepped back hurriedly, remembering the last time she had woken from consciousness in Richmond. He remembered only too well her reaction when she had discovered him holding her hand.

"Nathaniel?" she whispered dazedly.

"Yes, that's right," he said carefully, still mesmerized by her sudden transformation.

"What are you – Nathaniel!" she cried suddenly, springing to her feet with remarkable agility. Without warning, she threw herself at him and enveloped Nathaniel in the type of embrace such as he had never experienced in his life (as far as he knew.) He winced, his injured body protesting, and gently peeled her arms away from his thin torso.

"Yes, yes, I'm here – you're remarkably -"

"Nathaniel!" she shouted suddenly, her face screwed up with fury. "You lied to me! You said you would be all right, that the boots would get you out, that you would be safe -" She broke off, confused.

"Well, that was remarkably quick compared to what _I_ had to go through," Bartimaeus muttered.

"I'm sorry, Kitty," Nathaniel said softly and painfully. "If I'd have told you the truth, Nouda would never have been destroyed. And you would have followed me and gotten us both killed."

"The three of us, actually," Bartimaeus muttered angrily.

"But – look," Nathaniel said desperately, wanting for her to understand _something_, "it all worked out anyway, didn't it? You and Bartimaeus are alive and I'm…here. Speaking of which," he continued, "how did you figure out I was here so fast? It all happened only three days ago, and you can't have been able to remember anything about the last time we were on Phasma Mortuus while on Earth…"

Kitty looked blank.

"Three _days_!" she said, surprised. "What are you talking about? It's been _months_ since you – erm – died, for lack of a better word."

"_Months_? How is that even possible?"

"How are days possible?"

"You know, as illuminating as this conversation is," said Bartimaeus dully, "shouldn't we be maybe trying to get Nat _out_ of here?"

Kitty looked at him. Nathaniel grimaced.

"I don't know if it will work as easily as all that," he said. "In addition, I'm a little worried about my condition…" Kitty glanced at him, looking suddenly worried.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle," Bartimaeus said sarcastically.

"There are plenty of hospitals in London," said Kitty, who looked as though she was trying to convince herself as much as him.

"Whatever," said Bartimaeus, "let's just go one at a time, shall we? Come here, Nat."

Gingerly, Nathaniel placed his hands in the djinni's darker ones. He closed his eyes as Bartimaeus spoke the necessary words.

* * *

Kitty thought for a moment that it had worked; a shimmering mist gathered around the two of them, just as it had in coming here with her. But the next moment everything went wrong; with an odd fizzling sound, Bartimaeus was catapulted away from Nathaniel. He crashed into a nearby tree and slid down to the ground, dazed. She saw Nathaniel wince. 

"Damn it, Nat, what did you do?" Bartimaeus demanded angrily.

"I knew it wouldn't be as easy as that," Nathaniel said quietly. "He's made sure I can't leave."

"Who?" she asked, feeling chilled. Nathaniel looked at her, not managing to mask the pain in his eyes.

"Nouda," he whispered. "He brought me here, and he wants me to stay here."

"Can't we do anything?" she asked him.

Nathaniel laughed sourly.

"_Do_ anything?" he said. "Like what – beg for mercy? He wants me to suffer because of what I did. And in any case, he's gone."

"_Gone?_ Gone where?"

"You know what I mean. He's made his choice, and he's chosen to disappear rather than wander here forever."

At that moment, a small brown-haired girl with startling green eyes came from behind Nathaniel to stand beside him. Kitty stared.

"Erm…" Nathaniel looked and saw the little girl.

"Oh…Kitty, she's here too. You're not dreaming or anything."

"Who are you?" Kitty asked softly, bending down beside the girl, who stared at her unsettlingly but said nothing.

"She hasn't said a word since I've met her," Nathaniel explained. "I'm not sure who she is, but I think…maybe one of the other demons I destroyed brought her along for sport. It's just a theory…"

"For sport? What did you say about sports? I didn't know you knew what sports were…And who's _that?_" Bartimaeus, apparently tired of being ignored, had come up beside them as well. Nathaniel looked up at him, startled.

"You can see her, then?"

"Yes…" the djinni looked nonplussed. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Nouda couldn't."

"Ah…" The djinni appeared to scan the girl. "Who is she?"

"We don't know," said Kitty.

"I…erm…called her Kathleen," said Nathaniel, flushing scarlet. Kitty, surprised, felt herself go red as well. They both looked at Bartimaeus, who looked bored once again.

"Can't see nothing on her, anyway," the djinni said. "She looks human well enough."

Kitty glanced at Nathaniel, who looked rather relieved. What had happened to make him uneasy about a little girl?

"By the way, Kitty," Bartimaeus continued, "have you looked in the mirror recently?"

"Why?" she asked suspiciously, reaching in her pocket for her hand mirror. Gazing into it, she felt another jolt of surprise. Her face was young again, smooth.

"Oh my God," she said out loud. "I look -"

"Beautiful," said Nathaniel. He blushed again as she looked up at him, amused. "Erm…so what are we going to do?"

Kitty's thoughts crashed back down to earth, in a sense. Nathaniel trapped on Phasma Mortuus…that was what was important right now.

"I've had an idea," she said. "What if we go back to the tower?"

She had neglected to mention it before now, but the moment her feet had touched the ground of the mysterious island, every memory that had been erased from her mind had returned full force. Kitty remembered the Amulet, what it had done, who had lived on the island, what had happened between her and Nathaniel…

"The tower that the Amulet was found in?" asked Nathaniel sharply. Evidently, he also remembered everything. "What good would that do?"

"I don't know…maybe there were other artefacts that we missed that could help us break Nouda's spell?"

"I guess it's worth a try…" Kitty glanced at Bartimaeus, who was watching. She shook her head slightly at him; she hadn't seen any of this in a vision.

Kitty looked at all of their faces in turn: Bartimaeus', pensive and calm; Nathaniel's, agitated and hiding something, although she didn't know what; and the mysterious girl "Kathleen," wearing a blank expression that unnerved her. Green eyes met hers for a moment, and she felt a strange sensation in the back of her mind…

Then Kitty's eyes widened as she noticed something none of the others saw.

There was a slight breeze on Phasma Mortuus, one that blew her hair away from her face. Nathaniel's stubbled hair waved slightly in the wind, and even Ptolemy's perfect black locks were shifting slightly. _But not a single hair stirred on Kathleen's head._

* * *

Oooooo, mysterious! I suppose I could have had a better summary, but there wasn't time…read and review please! I love all of you so very much! 


	12. Do Not Struggle

Aaaah…a no homework weekend…lots of time for writing, which is good because this chapter is very important. Oh, and some of you may have noticed my new C2 archive…when you review tell me if you want to be a staff or if you have a good NatKitty story to put in it! I'm gradually putting stuff in.

In this chapter, Nathaniel and Kitty and Bartimaeus (doesn't that have such a great ring to it?) start their big trek (again) to the tower where the amulet was in my last story. Kitty tells Nathaniel about her visions but then sees something that frightens her…

Disclaimer: The Trilogy belongs to Jonathan Stroud, and I had no part in writing it.

**

* * *

Do Not Struggle**

"Try not to get worried,

Try not to turn onto

Problems that upset you…"

- _Everything's Alright_ (Jesus Christ Superstar)

Kitty tried to push the strange matter of the girl Kathleen from her mind, but it was like trying not to think of green polar bears; you just couldn't help it. And Nathaniel…what was he still hiding from her? The problem was, she could hardly ask anyone to divulge their secrets without giving up her own. Bartimaeus was constantly watching her, and she knew he was wondering what she would reveal.

_Nathaniel_. Why had everything become so much more complicated when she'd got here? The plan had been simple for Kitty: go to the island, find Nathaniel, and bring him back. She hadn't expected anything to go wrong.

But perhaps she had better come clean first.

"Nathaniel," she said, coming up beside him, "I need to tell you something."

He looked at her, his uneven steps slowing so that Kathleen and Bartimaeus walked slightly ahead of them.

"What is it?"

"I don't know exactly how to explain _why_, but – well – I didn't come here on a hunch."

"I guessed that there was something else…"

"There is." Kitty drew a deep breath. "I've been having visions."

Nathaniel stopped dead and stared at her.

"Excuse me?"

"Visions, Nathaniel. I've been having visions, gradually more consistent, and all of you."

"But -" The younger boy looked astounded. "That's impossible! No human being and not many _spirits_ even, are capable of mental powers such as premonitions…"

"That's not exactly true. I saw some parts of the past and present when I was in the Other Place." He frowned.

"That's different. _How_ could such a power develop so quickly? And _why_?"

"I don't know, that's the problem! But remember, it's been months on Earth…"

"What's your point?" Nathaniel stared at her nonplussed. "There is a certain time isolation on the island…" He stopped.

"What is it?"

"Does your head ever hurt afterwards?"

"Yes," said Kitty nervously; Bartimaeus had asked her the same question and dropped it soon afterward. Nathaniel stroked his chin in a brooding, scholarly way that almost made her laugh. Most seventeen-year-olds would never consider adopting such a ridiculous expression.

"It is said," he recited, as if from a book, "that there are certain areas of the human brain which are never used; areas that may have strange functions, such as telepathy and precognition. Perhaps your time in the Other Place activated these areas, causing them to work much harder than they would ever have."

"So…what are you saying…my head hurts because I've pulled a brain muscle?"

"I have no idea." Nathaniel looked concerned.

"It's fine," Kitty said quickly, "I just wanted your opinion."

They walked in silence for a moment, each deep in their own thoughts. Then she thought of something.

"Nathaniel…" she began, feeling absolutely inconsiderate, "are you still hurt? Because we can rest if you -"

"It's fine." He didn't meet her eyes, though, and she wondered why he wouldn't have healed by now. But Phasma Mortuus seemed to have rules of its own, different in many ways from both Earth and the Other Place, and she didn't really want to ask. Kitty had paid enough of a price for knowledge in her lifetime.

* * *

Nathaniel glanced at Kitty once again; luckily, she didn't notice, or more awkward questions might be asked. He remembered all too well her common practice of slapping him across the face…not that that would hurt him any more. 

_Don't think about that_, he told himself sternly for what seemed like the fiftieth time that day…if it could be counted as a day. For all he knew, it had already been a month on Earth since Kitty got here.

Ahead of them, Kathleen and Bartimaeus walked in as heavy a silence as the two of them. Not for the first time Kathleen almost seemed to be a spirit herself, although he knew it couldn't be true. Bartimaeus would have said something…there was no advantage in the djinni keeping secrets from him.

The beach seemed to go on and on, and it was some time before he could see the trees again. It almost seemed as if the island itself was playing around with him, catching him off his guard, making him suffer…

Kathleen looked back at him suddenly, her green eyes wide. He smiled at her unconvincingly, wondering if Bartimaeus made her nervous. The little girl's eyes settled on Kitty for just a moment, and then her head turned back to the front.

Beside him, Kitty's hands went to her temples. He looked at her.

"All right there? I think we're almost at the forest."

"Yes, I'm fine…I just thought I felt…" Kitty broke off.

"Kitty?" Bartimaeus turned around to look at them, his expression suddenly wary.

Kitty cried out suddenly, her eyes squeezed shut. Nathaniel dropped his staff and tried to catch her as her legs gave away. He fell to his knees, wincing as he tried to hold her.

"Kitty? Kitty!" He tapped her cheeks, her frozen expression of pain and terror unnerving him.

"Did she tell you?" Bartimaeus asked, hurrying over as Nathaniel gently laid her on the sand, unable to hold her weight for long because of his weakness.

"Yes, but – is that what this is?"

Kathleen had stopped and turned around, her eyes wide as she stared at Kitty. To Nathaniel then it seemed almost as if she were looking through the older girl's prone body.

* * *

Please_, Kitty thought desperately,_ please…I've found him, I'm doing my best to save him…can't you just leave me alone? 

_The vision took hold of her mind, and a picture formed before her eyes…_

_They stood in a desecrated forest, the dragons all around them as she remembered from before…but this was no memory. Nathaniel stood tall, erect, ghostly white; before him was a black dragon with golden eyes. He shouted a challenge that was not heard in her ears; the dragon responded in kind, roaring its defiance to the skies. Then the dragon opened its mouth wide and let forth a burst of fire. Nathaniel was lost to her eyes._

You can't do this!_ She cried out in her dream._ I won't let him die, I've come this far!

_Then, for the first time, Kitty heard a voice responding to her pleas._

Do not struggle…

* * *

"Kitty! Wake up! Please wake up!" 

Nathaniel had been yelling into the poor girl's ear for half a minute, but it seemed it was enough; Kitty's eyes fluttered open, wide and afraid. I helped her to her feet, Nathaniel appearing to not be in any condition to get up by himself, let alone supporting her. He knelt on the sand, breathing hard, before reaching for his makeshift staff.

We both looked at Kitty, and I wondered –

"What did you see?" Nathaniel asked desperately.

Exactly that.

Kitty backed away from the two of us, her face pale and terrified; this alone unsettled me somewhat, as she had never seemed this scared after a vision. What could possibly –

"Nothing," she said wildly. "I didn't see anything!"

Well, at times like this, I wonder if humans ever tell the truth…

* * *

Sorry for the extremely short chapter, but I have it all planned out and I just needed to catch up on things. SO…any new theories? Please tell me, I _love_ the theories…I'm so evil, I know. New chapter coming up right away! 


	13. Nothing But The Truth

Wow, some amazing theories! You guys are so amazing! I just said amazing twice, I know! Special thanks to Astrensi for the longest review ever…I hope to get more than just one update this week because I don't have a lot of school or even a lot of homework. At this rate, I might be done before July! That's my goal, anyways…

In this chapter (sorry, another shorter one…Chapter 14 will be long, I promise!), Kitty and Nathaniel come across something else that jogs their memories. Nathaniel explains some things to Kitty about what happened at the end of my last story (some of you may want to read the chapter "Reckoning" to understand it better). Doesn't advance the plot a lot, but kind of necessary. Promotes NatKitty fluff… that sort of thing. Plus vain attempts at humour.

Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to someone else…but at least I'm honest about it.

**

* * *

Nothing But the Truth**

"So here we are, we are alone  
There's a weight on your mind  
I wanna know  
The truth, if this is how you feel  
Say it to me  
If this was ever real…"

- _The Truth_ (Good Charlotte)

They walked on, with Bartimaeus and Nathaniel on either side of her, in case Kitty fell over again. It was all a bit ridiculous to her, almost like when she had come back from the Other Place barely able to walk.

The vision with Nathaniel and the dragon had disturbed her more than anything else, mostly because she had no way of knowing whether or not it was real. Whatever happened, she had always liked to be in control of her life and what was happening around her, and it was really a fear of the unknown that was taking hold of her mind. What if it all went wrong and she had to live with the fact that she could have saved him?

"We're at the forest, now," she said, as the "sun" vanished beneath the "horizon."

"Yes," said Nathaniel.

Bartimaeus snorted.

"I have to say, you two have a limitless capacity to state the obvious. Where's that little chick I was walking with before?"

"_Chick_?" Kitty raised her eyebrows.

"Never picked up any American slang before?"

"Definitely not." Nathaniel said, frowning. "And she's gone ahead."

"Oh."

They walked in silence again through the trees. Kitty saw Nathaniel wince when he stumbled over a protruding root, and she wondered if maybe this whole journey was too much for his ailing body. It was amazing, really, that he had survived this long…

They reached a clearing that was vaguely familiar to Kitty; had she been here the last time? Then she saw the fairy lights in the trees and she knew. They had been happy here once…how was it that everything had to change so much?

The girl Kathleen was sleeping against a tree; or, at least, her eyes were closed. Kitty sat as far as possible from her; she still couldn't forget that her frightening vision had come barely seconds after she had locked eyes with the silent child. Nathaniel sat gingerly down beside her, leaning against a tree as if every part of him caused him great pain. She bit her lip; how must it be to constantly feel inches away from death?

"Are you all right?" she asked, knowing that it was pointless and he would never admit to anything.

"Yes, I'm fine," he said curtly, not able to hide his wince. Nathaniel…why was he always afraid to lose face in front of her? She risked another question, her throat suddenly feeling uncomfortably tight.

"Do you – well – do you remember the last time we were here?"

He looked at her, and Kitty saw his eyes fill with unwanted tears. She looked away.

"I – I do remember, Kitty." Nathaniel said quietly. "I was – we were happy. And then I ruined everything…"

"What?"

"I shouted at you, Kitty. And I never even told you why…"

"This is getting awfully sappy for me," said a voice from above. Bartimaeus, apparently, had gone up a tree. "Here's what happened: you two got frighteningly intimate in an uncomfortable matter of days, then Nat started PMSing and ruined your relationship forever…thank God. Then we all went through my portal, lost all our memories, destroyed a demons' revolt I should have been a part of, and ended up here again. There now, no more discussion."

"It was because of my parents, Kitty…they died in a commoners' revolt and you – well – you're a commoner."

"So you blamed it on me?" Kitty whispered.

"Damn you all to the bottom of the sea!" Bartimaeus shouted.

"I didn't really mean it…it's not like my parents really mattered that much to me…they abandoned me when I was five, remember?" Nathaniel fidgeted.

"I've half a mind to go set the griffins on you all!"

"Nathaniel…my parents betrayed me. To _you_."

He sighed. "I know, and I'm sorry for -"

"Please stop." Kitty said suddenly. "Stop apologizing. It's all over, isn't it?"

"No kidding! Shut up!" Bartimaeus seemed irritated. Kathleen looked up at him and giggled; a rare sound. "Look at that…she thinks it's funny! Well, in this overly melodramatic scene that should_ never_ be put in a movie, I'm glad _someone_ has a sense of humour!"

"I know," he continued. "I just wish we could get back what we had."

Kitty wanted to ask him, _what's stopping us?_ But she knew it had all too much to do with secrets and lies, and so she left it well enough alone.

Nathaniel was crying beside her, his head in his hands, but she didn't look up…if he wanted to be emotionally brittle, that was up to him. All she wanted was to get them both out of here alive.

Kitty lay down to sleep, her back turned to the boy beside her.

* * *

Nathaniel woke early the next morning, biting his lip. The pain was getting progressively worse again, but he didn't dare wake anyone. They had to continue on their journey if he was ever to get out of this. 

_Don't get your hopes up_, the annoying mental voice that sounded oddly like Bartimaeus' own whispered in his ear. _You know it's not going to work out…what about what Nouda told you?_

He wanted to tell Kitty, tell her that it was pointless and she should just leave him and go off on her own way, but Nathaniel couldn't bear it. He glanced at her, sleeping beside him…already, her rest was plagued by these dreams about him.

It was best to say nothing. That was what he had always done, after all…

* * *

Aww, I told you it would be short. Ah well, it was one of those chapters I just really wanted in there, to explain about what happened at the end of the Amulet…please review! Theories, remember… 


	14. Don't Call Me Helpless

Hi…it's time for (you guessed it) a really long chapter! Plus climactic, suspenseful, emotional, and important to the storyline…I call it the 14th chapter! One more thing…I'm changing the rating to T because of some brief language.

OK, Nathaniel's weakness returns, forcing them to rest in dangerous territory…you get the idea. Yes, visions come true. Not saying any more here! Warning: major cliffie at the end, but please don't kill me...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, really. I mean, honestly, I don't. You do believe me, right?

**

* * *

Don't Call Me Helpless**

"Blue, blue windows  
Behind the stars,

Yellow moon on the rise,  
Big birds

Flying across the sky,  
Throwing shadows on our eyes."

_- Helpless_ (Neil Young)

The forest seemed to stretch on for miles, and Kitty wondered if it was something of the magic of the island; the faster you needed to get somewhere, the longer it would take. She was getting tired, and she knew Nathaniel was as well. He walked along beside her, breathing heavily, his face pale and set.

"Do you need to rest?" she asked, giving him a quick sideways glance.

"No," he replied quietly. "I'm fine."

He stumbled suddenly, grasping his staff for support.

"Okay, we're resting," said Kitty, grabbing his arm and leading him to a nearby tree. "Or you are, anyway."

"I'm _fine_," said Nathaniel furiously. He passed a hand wearily over his eyes.

"We can't stop here," said Bartimaeus. "It might be dangerous."

"Is there any place on the island that isn't?" she retorted, sitting down beside Nathaniel.

"Whatever, kids," said the djinni, shrugging. "I'll go scout ahead. Just _stay here_. I know it's hard for you to take orders from the nasty demon…"

"Shut up." Kitty said. Kathleen giggled, settling herself against a tree opposite Nathaniel.

"Love you too, blasted humans." Bartimaeus changed to hawk shape and flew off.

Kitty leaned against a tree beside Nathaniel and closed her eyes. It was so peaceful here; almost like a dream…she wondered what it would be like to go here for a long time. Nathaniel was lucky in that respect at least.

"Kitty," came a shaky voice beside her, "does it seem – cold here to you?"

"No," she said, not opening her eyes. "There's a jacket in my pack if you want."

"It's fine."

Kitty gradually drifted off to sleep, this time thankfully without nightmares. Nathaniel, Bartimaeus, and even Kathleen drifted in and out of her dreams, never speaking, and she wondered if any of it meant something.

She awoke quite suddenly an hour later; Bartimaeus had not returned, and night was falling. Hoping that nothing had happened to him, she turned on her side towards Nathaniel to try to get back to sleep.

A voice startled her out of her drowsiness.

"Kitty..." it was barely more than a whisper. Kitty looked up at the young man beside her. He was corpse white and shivering like a leaf in the north wind.

"Kitty...so...cold..."

She touched his arm, then yelped and yanked it back. Nathaniel was much too warm to be healthy. Carefully, she placed the back of her hand on his forehead to find it burning as well. Panic rose within her.

"Bloody hell, Nathaniel," she cried. "Why didn't you tell me you had a fever?"

He didn't answer, his entire body shaking fitfully. Kitty reacted at once, pulling her jacket out of her bag and placing it on him.

"Shit," she said quietly. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Kitty automatically looked at Kathleen, who was watching her with wide, frightened eyes. Well, at least the strange girl could feel emotions such as fear...

Kitty dove through her pack once more, wishing they were back at the clearing, where there was at least a spring...pulling out a water bottle, she unscrewed the cap and threw some of the contents at his face.

Nathaniel coughed and spluttered.

"Sorry, I'm trying to cool you down," she said quietly, opting for less extreme methods. Kitty poured some water on one of her spare shirts and placed it on his forehead. What on earth could have caused this?

"Were you ill before?" she murmured to him. His lips, but she couldn't hear him...she bent close.

"Yes...when I first...got here..."

The wound then; it could only be that, a weakness caused by it perhaps?

Then another emotion rose in her throat. Nathaniel could die...after all she'd done, after all the pain and suffering they had both gone through, he could die before she ever got him back. Before she ever told him...

No. Not that.

A small whimper escaped the lips of the boy beside her, a small, pathetic sound. Still only a boy, really...only seventeen years old...that was the kind of tragedy that ended up in Holocaust documentaries.

"Well, that was rather pathetic," Kitty said quietly to him, trying to bring a bit of humour back to the situation. "Aren't you supposed to be seventeen?"

Nathaniel closed his eyes, breathing heavily once again as his body convulsed. Evidently, he didn't seem to find anything funny about it. Kitty buried her head in her hands.

"Shit," she whispered again.

Beside her, the girl Kathleen had moved up beside Nathaniel and was stroking one of his pale hands.

* * *

The weakness seemed to consume him, worse than before. Why did he have to pay for this over and over again? His mind felt foggy, and every inch of his body ached. When Nathaniel tried to open his eyes, to comfort her, it felt as if fire attacked his eyelids… 

Then the people came.

He was five again, standing beside Mrs.Underwood at his bedroom window. The Houses of Parliament were there…he had to make her proud…

There was Mr.Underwood, telling him…what was he telling him?

"_You want to cloak your ambitions…you'll find yourself brought down in flames before you reach your twenties…"_

Well, that was ironic, really…and Ms.Lutyens…Ms.Lutyens…he had never spoken to her since that day in the street, never had a chance to tell her how he had changed…how he had become himself again…

It all ended in suffering. Kitty, in the theatre box, crumpled on the floor like a lifeless doll…lying in the pentacle with a face worthy of one many times her age…and Bartimaeus, willing to die with him at the very end…no fear there, only calculated caution and bravery…

Tears stung in his eyes. Nathaniel had failed them all, left them as good as dead; he had seen it in Kitty's eyes when she found him. Were there any limits to despair?

* * *

I flew back in what seemed to be late evening, my mind still puzzling over what I had seen (and believe me, it takes a lot to leave me puzzled), to find Kitty and Nat and Kathleen again. It took a little while; the forests of Phasma Mortuus can be pretty tricky at times (see above comment in parentheses). 

I landed on a tree near a rather unfortunate scene: my dear former master was lying against a rock, looking in a very bad way. Kitty was beside him, mopping up his forehead with what looked like one of her wet shirts, and cursing frequently under her breath.

Talk about a rough day.

I knew immediately what was wrong, of course; Nathaniel, wounded in the battle against the demon hybrids, was succumbing once again to his weakness. Kitty looked worn out and desperate.

"What's up?" I asked, landing lightly on a tree above them.

"He's…not feeling well," Kitty said lamely. "He's really hot."

I stared at her and she giggled a little.

"I mean he's got a fever. I don't know what to do, he's -"

Nathaniel's eyes fluttered open and Kitty's attention snapped back to him immediately.

"Nathaniel?" she said gently, stroking his cheek with one finger. "Are you all right?"

My former master's fevered gaze travelled to me above them.

"Mrs.Underwood?" he asked weakly.

"Oh, thanks."

He continued to mumble to himself.

"I think he's delirious," I whispered to Kitty.

"Thanks, I hadn't figured that out for myself," she snapped at me.

"Had to…prove myself, didn't I? Hope you…were…proud…"

"Of course," Kitty whispered into his ear, although she had no idea what Nathaniel was talking about.

"Never got a…chance to say…goodbye? Dead…not proud…of me…" His face screwed up with pain. Kitty patted his shoulder.

"It's all right; it's just a dream…"

"Mrs.Underwood! Have to…warn her…"

"I told you we couldn't do that," I said irritably. Kitty glared at me.

"Everything's going to be fine, Nathaniel…it's all right…"

He fought her, thrashing about unconsciously. I flew down and pinned his arms down by his sides (with no real trouble, in case you were wondering).

"No!" he cried. "No! Ms.Lutyens…"

"Who's that?" I asked. Kitty shrugged; she knew less than me about Nat's history.

"I…changed in…the end…never…told her…"

"I'll tell her, it's all right," said Kitty, who looked slightly frightened. "It's all just a dream, Nathaniel; you can wake up any time…"

"Cloak…ambitions…"  
"There's something I never thought I'd hear you say, Nat."

"Brought down in…flames…before I reach my…twenties…that's…funny…"

"No it's not, Nathaniel, it's really not," Kitty babbled, her face worried. "You're not dying…it will all be fine…"

His eyes opened all the way now, and he seemed to see Kitty for the first time.

"Kitty…" he whispered. "What's…happening?

"You're very ill, Nathaniel," she said, looking relieved. "I need you to try to sleep now, all right?"

He nodded slightly, and then closed his eyes. He was whiter than a ghost.

* * *

Kitty collapsed against a rock. She couldn't take much more of this…she had thought it would be so easy to just come here and bring him back, but she was wrong in more ways than she could possibly imagine. 

What was more, there was something…unappealing about the small clearing where they had been forced to stop. She knew they were nearing the part of the island where the dragons lived, but all the same she felt as if they were already practically on top of it. Her recent vision haunted her every minute of the day, and if she were to actively prevent it from taking place in reality than they needed to stay as far away from the dragons as possible.

Not that Kitty would ever tell anyone else. She didn't need the others to be as worried as she was, and now Nathaniel was too ill to move.

"Kitty." She looked up; Bartimaeus was directly above her on a tree branch. Kathleen was up there too, heaven knows how.

"What?" she whispered, not wanting to wake her patient.

"Maybe you should get some sleep as well. You look absolutely spent."

"I'm fine, Bartimaeus."

"As I recall, that's just what Nat said before he started hallucinating."

Kitty sighed.

"All right," she said, "but not for long, because -" she stopped, sniffing the air.

"Erm…Kitty?"

Kathleen cocked her head at her, her penetrating eyes wide.

"I smell smoke." Kitty said, her heartbeat quickening.

"Where?" Bartimaeus looked around. "Oh, bloody hell…"

The forest was on fire barely twenty feet away from them. Kitty reacted immediately, shaking Nathaniel hard.

"Come on, wake up Nathaniel, we have to move…"

He shot up, his eyes wide.

"Kitty…what's wrong?"

"We have to get out of the way…it's the dragons…"

She was surprised to see Nathaniel's face regain some of its stern determination. He pulled himself painfully to his feet.

"Let's go," he said, picking up his staff.

* * *

Although his head spun and his side ached, Nathaniel felt strangely alive as they fled the clearing where they had rested. He knew it was just adrenaline, and soon he'd be feeling just as bad as before, but the exhilaration was oddly pleasant. 

If only it wasn't the dragons.

Nathaniel remembered all too well their last encounter; Kitty had saved them, then, thrusting her knife upward into that single weak scale above the heart…he shuddered. She could have died. But that must not happen this time…

They could hear the roars now, and see the fires all around them; the dragons must have sensed their presence, and were now attacking. The four them ran around and around, trying to escape any confrontation, but eventually they came clear of the forest and straight into the fire zone.

The thick smoke made him cough, but he could see the multitude of multi-coloured dragons that were destroying the trees. And now they were trapped in the middle of it…Nathaniel felt as if a cold hand had clenched his insides. He stopped, paralyzed with fear for the others and himself.

"Nathaniel, run!"

But no, he wasn't going to run this time. He turned to her, and saw Kitty's eyes widen in terror.

"You have to come, we're helpless against them!"

_Helpless_. Such a hateful word…

"Don't call me helpless," he said quietly.

Then he turned to face his fire-breathing nemesis, leaving the others behind.

A black dragon spotted him and reared in a challenge, sending a burst of fire to the heavens. Nathaniel's heart quavered, but he stood firm.

"Leave us!" he cried, surprised at the power of his voice in such a situation.

The dragon roared.

"You have no business with us!" he cried again. "Leave us alone!"

Was this how Kitty had felt, challenging a dragon?

Unfortunately, he had no chance to answer his own question; the black dragon let forth a burst of fire straight towards him, and Nathaniel knew no more.

* * *

Just like her dream…just like it…there was Nathaniel, vulnerable against a monster's power. 

"No!" she cried, as he stepped forward to meet it. Bartimaeus held her back with both of Ptolemy's arms. "Let me go! You don't understand!"

Her eyes widened in horror as the dragon opened its jaws wide. An immense ball of fire enveloped Nathaniel within seconds.

Kitty screamed.

* * *

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! What have I DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEE! Please help…Nathaniel's survival into the next chapter depends on your reviews! 


	15. Too Many Sorrows

Once upon a time, there was a fanfic writer named Musica Diabolos who delighted in writing horrible cliff-hangers for her reviewers. They banged her over a head with a large stick and she decided that there would be no more cliffies as bad as the one in the fourteenth chapter. Ah…Chapter 15 is finally here. Hope you guys didn't plot out my murder step by step…but I promise you this: I won't ever kill Nathaniel. At least not violently.

So…in this chapter…meh, not telling you again. You'll have to read it. Yes, meh is a word…it's my word. Be quiet. You would not _believe_ how long I have waited to write this chapter…by the way, love the title. Yes, you…love it. Only six updates left!

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Meh.

**

* * *

Too Many Sorrows**

"I promised I would never leave you  
And you should always know  
Wherever you may go  
No matter where you are  
I never will be far away..."

- _Goodnight, My Angel_ (Billy Joel)

_Previously..._

"_No!" she cried, as he stepped forward to meet it. Bartimaeus held her back with both of Ptolemy's arms. "Let me go! You don't understand!"_

_Her eyes widened in horror as the dragon opened its jaws wide. An immense ball of fire enveloped Nathaniel within seconds._

_Kitty screamed._

* * *

Her cry shattered the air around her. No, it couldn't be true, it couldn't…Kitty was meant to stop it…it hadn't happened, it was just another nightmare… 

Bartimaeus released his firm grip on her, and she fell to her knees, gasping. But no tears, none at all: the walls she'd built up long ago held firm.

"_Why?_" Kitty cried out at the top of her lungs, her voice breaking, "_Why did you send me here if not to save him_?"

There was no answer, although she wished there was. Anything to break the silence…even the dragons had flown off after Nathaniel was incinerated, leaving behind nothing but the receding smell of smoke. _Flames,_ she remembered him saying only minutes before, _brought down in flames_…

It was all too true. She turned slowly to the djinni, who wore an impassive expression. Demons had no emotions, really…

"I want to go home," Kitty said quietly and grimly. She turned to the little girl beside them, who was staring at the place where Nathaniel had been destroyed. "I don't really know who you are, but maybe you should just come back to London."

The strange green eyes flicked to her briefly before turning back to the blackened field. Kitty lost her temper; she had had just about enough of this silent treatment.

"Come on!" she shouted suddenly. "You may not be able to talk to me, but we're sure as hell going to get out of here. I don't want to be on this bloody island anymore!"

The girl continued to stare at the same place, her hair preternaturally rigid in the breeze that had sprung up. Frustrated and breathing hard from her sudden rage, Kitty turned her head to the field as well, unwillingly forcing herself to see where…

Kitty's breath caught in her throat; her legs shook and she almost fell to her knees again.

A dark figure got to its feet in the centre of the burnt grass…

* * *

Nathaniel lost consciousness as the burst of heat hit his weakened body, propelling him to the ground. The pain was unbearable; he did not cry out, though, because he knew it would all be over soon…perhaps death, at least, would release him from his torment… 

Then it was over; the flames were gone, the dragons gone off in search of other victims. He should have known this had happened; his body was invulnerable to anything that Nathaniel had not already received before dying. Apparently, death by fire was not his to keep.

_Kitty…_he coughed, the soot lodging uncomfortably in his throat. This would have broken her…after all she'd been through, the visions and nightmares about him…

Nathaniel felt no more pain. His staff had been burnt into ash, but it didn't matter. He turned and ran towards the figure with dark hair he could barely see in the distance. Nathaniel didn't stop running until he was in front of her…tears pricked his eyes as he saw the shock and painful relief stamped on her features. Too many sorrows…and now he would have to explain it all to her.

The other thing he saw was Kathleen, and a smile lit her face like the sun in the sky on Earth. Nathaniel had a strange feeling that she'd known it was all going to happen…that it would all, perhaps, be all right…

"Oh my God…" Kitty whispered, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"It's all right," he said hastily, "I'm here, it's really me…"

"H – How?" she managed to squeak out.

"I should have told you before -"

"I saw you die..."

"No, you didn't, Kitty. You see, I – can't be killed here."

"I beg your pardon!" snorted Bartimaeus, speaking for the first time.

Kitty's knees wavered, but Nathaniel caught her arms instantly. They sat down at the edge of the clearing; she was still staring at him in awe, her eyes shining with emotion.

"Don't cry, Kitty," he said awkwardly.

"I'm not." The quiet, controlled response; not what he was used to.

"Well...that's how it is," he continued. "Only the wound I received on Earth can hurt me here, and perhaps worse than it should."

"That's why you were ill..." Kitty said faintly. Tentatively, she placed the back of her hand on his forehead. He knew that he was well again, though.

"You're not hot anymore..." she continued quietly. Bartimaeus guffawed behind her, and Kathleen voiced a rare, quiet laugh.

"I realized that," he replied, trying to bring a little humor back to the situation "I guess being burnt to death really gives a jump start to your bodily functions..."

Nathaniel stopped. Kitty had suddenly thrown her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder. Gently, carefully, he embraced her as well...

Just as suddenly, Kitty pulled herself out of his arms and slapped him across the face. Nathaniel reeled.

"What was that for?" he asked in barely controlled surprise and anguish.

"For lying to me again!" Kitty cried out, getting to her feet, her face full of unconcealed rage. "You never stop, do you? You lied about my freedom, you lied about getting out of the

Glass Palace without getting killed, you lied about...about this, when you had no reason to! Can't you just -" She stopped, staring at him with sudden remorse.

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" Kitty asked. Nathaniel rubbed the side of his face.

"No," he said finally, reassuring her. "Nothing here can hurt me, as I sa -"

Kitty slapped him again.

"Oh, bloody hell! I'm sorry," she said. "I just -"

"That's all right," Nathaniel said, wincing a little and feeling very confused. "I really kind of deserv -"

He was cut off as Kitty embraced him once again, harder than before. He returned the gesture, feeling a very different feeling rise within him.

Nathaniel heard her mumble something.

"What was that?" he asked, clutching her close to him. Never, ever, would he let her go again...

"I said, I wish we could get back what we had before..."

"When?"

"Here. Us...I wish we could have that back." Kitty's eyes were sad. Nathaniel regarded her carefully.

"Oh, get a room." Bartimaeus still stood behind them. "This kid's only about six..."

Nathaniel raised his eyebrows, his eyes widening. He took Kitty's hand and led her to a different patch of trees. Another moment spoiled by that djinni...

* * *

Kitty's heart beat fast as Nathaniel led her gently away from the others. Soon they were alone again...Nathaniel bent down and whispered in her ear. She could feel his breath against the 

nape of her neck, and she repressed a shiver.

"What's stopping us?" he asked her. Something, they both knew...

Gently, he pressed both his lips to hers before standing away.

"Oh, for God's sake, Nathaniel," Kitty said breathlessly. "Learn to act more like a grown-up..."

"We're only teenagers, Ms. Jones," Nathaniel said, grinning suddenly. Then he placed both hands around her head and they shared a real kiss, hidden from the watching world.

It was only when they broke apart and he was stroking her hair when Kitty remembered something.

"Nathaniel..."

"Yes?"

"Why are you...I mean, how could you be...invulnerable to the fire? What caused all this? Was it Nouda? You implied that he did something to you..." Pain flashed across his eyes, and she regretted her question...

"No, Kitty," Nathaniel said, almost reassuringly. Why would she need reassurance? "I don't know any more than you do."

She wanted to believe him, but Kitty knew somehow that he had told another lie...

Too many sorrows. But in the midst of all, there was somehow a love rekindled...it was the sort of thing, Kitty told herself, that only appeared in tragic poetry.

Too many sorrows...

* * *

See? No cliffie...had to end this chapter a little earlier than I wanted to, because I have a lot of homework in the final seven days of school. Hope you liked the fluff and that it wasn't horrible...I'm way better at doing angst, I know. See you all soon, loving the reviews...still accepting theories on: 

- Who/what Kathleen really is

- What Nathaniel isn't telling Kitty/what Nouda told them

- Why is Kitty having visions

Thanks for making me happy, I'm almost at one hundred reviews with only six chapters left! Sad, but true!


	16. Empty

I'm BAAAAACK! Wow, I was thrilled with the reviews I got last time, I'm glad you guys liked the fluff. This is another shorter-ish chapter, nothing incredibly dramatic happens…

Our quartet reaches the field of flowers again and discovers something…a bit unfortunate. Then Kitty has another vision and there's an important change of plans…more fluff! I had to wait fifteen chapters for there to be fluff, so…well, you get the picture.

Disclaimer: Not. Mine. Okay. Let's go.

**

* * *

Empty**

"Cause it's you and me and all of the people  
With nothing to do  
Nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people  
And I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you…"

- _You and Me_ (Lifehouse)

The four of us passed through the marsh without much incident, unless you count the time when the two teenagers in love kissed right in front of me. Honestly, I didn't need to see that! Humans and their rituals…so very odd _and_ annoying.

In contrast, my wandering partner remained silent and aloof, odd for a girl of – what – five or six? Almost as if she'd seen it all before, spirits and ghosts and marshes and kissing couples…although that in itself would not be a good thing. Five years old, remember.

We found the field where I had scouted it out earlier, before the dragon incident and Nathaniel and Kitty's sudden decision to proclaim true love…goodness, I just can't stop going on about, can I? Bloody annoying, like I said. Anyways, there were still lots of flowers. White ones, in case you were wondering…

"We've made it," Kitty whispered. What is it with humans and stating the obvious?

"Yes," Nathaniel replied. He leaned down - I mean forward, since they were about the same height - and kissed her on the forehead.

"Quit it, lovebirds," I snapped. "I've got to show you…there! See it? In the centre, there?"

Nathaniel's eyes widened.

"The tower," he said. "But – how is that possible? It was destroyed by the mercenary and that marid…"

"Good, you remember," I replied. "As for that…I honestly have no idea. Could be some inner magic of the island, keeping everything perfectly in balance…it's there for us tourists, anyway."

"_Tourists_, Bartimaeus?" Kitty was suddenly serious again. "We're here to find a way to get Nathaniel back home, remember?"

"Oh, right."

"Shall we go, then?" Nathaniel extended his arm to Kitty, who looped her arm around his with a small smile. This was getting to be too much. I changed from Ptolemy's form to a winged horse (modelled after a children's book...don't ask, please) and beckoned to Kathleen beside me. With an expression of strange gravity, she mounted and we took off into the air to win the 'race.'

* * *

Nathaniel walked beside Kitty, feeling happier than he had in what seemed like ages despite their situation. Almost as if they were playing for time, he had picked some of the flowers and woven them into a wreath, which she placed upon her hair. 

"Would you like on as well?" she asked him jokingly.

"No, thank you," he said, mockingly stern. Kitty kissed him on the cheek, and his feeling of elation increased. If only they could have had this when he was still alive…in a way. Nathaniel wasn't really dead, but he could not help but think of Nouda's words. It had been less than a day ago, and yet it seemed like he had born the terrible burden of the truth for longer than he knew. And yet he still spoke of it to no one.

"Are you all right?" Kitty was watching him. He smiled encouragingly.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"I remember the last time you said that…" She reached up to feel his forehead and he sighed.

"That was different. I'm just thinking about…things."

"Don't worry," Kitty said earnestly, "we'll soon get you out of this and back home. Then we can – have all the time we want, together…"

She left her sentence hanging. He wished it could be true, every bit of it, but knew somehow that with Nouda's actions their best-laid hopes would crumble into the dust of the stone tower…

After some time, they arrived at the tower, looking for all the world as though an immense magical explosion hadn't ripped every stone from its foundations, barely a year ago. Nathaniel was moved, once again, by the awesome yet completely _natural_ power on Phasma Mortuus. Would this, perhaps, be the only way he could get out of his fate?

"Bartimaeus?" Kitty called. And, after a moment, "Kathleen?"

"We're…erm…inside…" The djinni's voice sounded as though he was reluctant to tell them something. "You've been ages…"

"Sorry," Nathaniel answered. He placed a hand on the giant bronze door, so like what he remembered, and entered the tower of Phasma Mortuus for the second time in his life.

It was all there, again: the dust laid thickly upon the floor stones, the strange depictions on the walls, and the altar with its velvet covering…all that would be missing, really, would be the amulet, as it had been destroyed in some way.

Thinking of this, he stepped forward to where Bartimaeus and his small companion stood by the altar, his gaze questioning.

"It's not there, Nat," Bartimaeus said apologetically. "Nothing's here. I looked everywhere…there aren't any other artefacts, nothing to help us."

"What?" Kitty said, looking devastated. "The whole place is – _empty_?"

"It's all right, Kitty," Nathaniel said, although his heart had plummeted downward at the djinni's words. "I – hadn't expected much."

"But there's got to be a way!" she cried out, looking close to tears, although Nathaniel knew she wouldn't cry. "I've come all this way…what about my -"

"Kitty?" he said uncertainly, as her face went white. "Kitty!"

Her body went rigid and she started to shake, then Kitty collapsed against the altar, succumbing to another vision.

_

* * *

The strange voice again…_

Do not struggle.

Against what?_ She demanded angrily. _My impending fate? Nathaniel's doom? Why did you bring me here if there was no way to bring him back?

_There was no reply, but an image formed in her mind…a mountain, tall and majestic, rising into the clouds of Phasma Mortuus…the same one she had seen in a previous dream…_

Is this the answer? _She asked._ Why are you showing me this?

_Nothing. She was alone, and feeling herself wake up again…_

Do not struggle Do not struggle Do not struggle Donotstruggledonotstruggledonotstruggle…

* * *

"Kitty!" She opened her eyes to blackness. "Kitty, wake up! Please…" 

She blinked and her vision cleared. Nathaniel was standing over her, stroking her cheek with his finger.

"Thank God…"

Kitty sat up quickly, remembering what she had seen.

"It's not here, Nathaniel," she said, "The answer…we have to find the mountain…"

"_Mountain_? There's no mountain on the island." Bartimaeus looked incredulous.

Kitty felt a small hand grasp hers and looked into Kathleen's penetrating gaze.

_Donotstruggledonotstruggledonotstruggle…_

The feeling was gone, but the girl remained. Something in her eyes reassured Kitty, and she got to her feet gingerly. Nathaniel hugged her close, kissing her forehead.

"Please stop doing that to me," he whispered. Kitty could see the anxiety in his prematurely lined forehead.

"I can't stop the visions, Nathaniel…not when they might help me to save you…"

"Kitty…what if this is all really pointless?" he asked, his mouth a grim line. "What if…there really isn't a way to bring me back? What if Nouda and I really defeated each other for good?"

"Is there something you're not telling me?" she asked, the same question as before. Then, again, the shifted gaze. He would not meet her eyes.

"Come," he said, leading her back to the door. The pressure within her heart increased as he led the four of them back out to the field. They shut the bronze door behind them, closing off with it their hopes. But then…

"What the _hell_?" said Bartimaeus, blinking. "I _swear_ that wasn't there before…"

A mountain, rising tall and powerful before them. As one, the three other members of the group turned to look at Kitty. Bartimaeus and Nathaniel's expressions were shocked, but Kathleen's looked strangely…triumphant. Had she known, then, that it was here? According to Nathaniel, she had never been here before…but did he really know? Her uneasiness about her namesake increased.

"I'd say 'I told you so,'" Kitty told them carefully, "if I understood why a huge mound of earth and rock just popped out of nowhere…"

* * *

Ah…how was that? Kind of a predictable chapter, and unfortunately a bit short. Hope there was enough NatKitty fluff…unfortunately, I miscalculated and there's now only four chapters left after this one. Review please, remember that I love you all! 


	17. Choices to Fates: Part 1

So…I bet you're all wondering when you're gonna find out what all the secrets are, right? And it's driving you nuts cuz you know there's only four chapters left? Well, guess what…you get to find out something in this chapter! Woo hoo! And the next one! So…hope you like my little paragraph intro, kind of deep-ish and summarizing what's already happened. Sort of came to me when I was trying to sleep. Enjoy!

The next two chapters are essentially joined together in one big miasma of revelations, angst, and some fluff. These two planned sections were part of my inspiration to write this story…they're a bit complicated at times, though, so don't hesitate to ask questions if something isn't clear. A lot of deeper stuff is introduced, as you can see here. No summary, sorry…you'll just have to read on!

Disclaimer: Bartimaeus belongs to Jonathan Stroud. Phasma Mortuus belongs to me.

**

* * *

Choices to Fates (Part 1)**

"If you're lost you can look--and you will find me   
Time after time  
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting   
Time after time…"

- _Time after Time_ (Cyndi Lauper)

_There they were, the four of them: Nathaniel, the magician; Kitty, the commoner; Bartimaeus, the djinni; and the strange young girl called Kathleen, for the sake of love. Standing at the foot of a mysterious mountain that could change the course of life for all of them, for better or worse. There was love and unusual friendships shared between them, choices they had made that had affected the futures of many. Above all, there was mystery surrounding their lives and fates; mystery that involved death, and pain, and strangest of all, foresight. Answers were needed, but where could they be found?_

Kitty had been climbing for an hour already, but she still couldn't see the top of the mountain through the thick growth of trees. Was it just her, or was Phasma Mortuus far too 'earthly' to be given to the spirits and magical creatures alone?

Although, she had to admit, Nathaniel's being here had changed all that. If humans were being brought here as well, who knows what changes could arise? Resulting in the ground suddenly spewing forth a mountain for her purposes, in any case.

Her recent vision had been strange, and it was eating at her mind. No warnings, no memories…just an image filling her mind's eye. She had no idea what she expected to find on the mountain, but maybe at last they would get some answers.

A young man's grip on her hand tightened, and she glanced at Nathaniel beside her. He worried her, no matter what he had said since the dragons, and Kitty watched him constantly for any new signs of weakness or pain. His predicament was strange and terrifying, yet Nathaniel did not seem to have broken before it yet; she fervently hoped that her presence made it easier for him.

He caught her eye and gave her a small smile, which told Kitty he was worried as well. What if there was nothing that could help him get off Phasma Mortuus and return home to London, where he would be safe and well?

_Don't think about that_, Kitty told herself sternly. There had to be a way; there was always a way through everything, no matter how dark or overgrown the path. Hell, it was possible to find a way through a solid brick wall if you had the mindset for it; their current situation shouldn't be much of an obstacle. Or that, at least, was what she had to keep telling herself.

She bit her lip. Kitty was under a lot of strain; if this was all fruitless, she might be the first to break down. First the disturbing visions, then the shock of finding him here, alive…it would take its toll. In what way she was not certain.

Kitty looked above her at Bartimaeus, flitting through the trees as a red squirrel. His was a solid presence in her life; something she could depend on, when everything fell down around her…she just hoped she wouldn't need that.

Then there was Kathleen, walking ahead of them solemnly, instead of chasing a butterfly or the squirrel like most little girls would be doing. For what seemed like the hundredth time Kitty wondered why she was here, and how. Was it merely coincidence that she had met Nathaniel? And the eyes…Kitty could never forget her preternatural green gaze, which more than once now seemed to have brought on one of her visions. It was merely speculation, but she had a feeling that Kathleen's oddities weren't just her imagination; it made Kitty reluctant to trust her. She frowned.

"Kitty? You all right?" Nathaniel was watching her as well. She smiled wanly.

"Yes, I'm fine…just thinking."

"About what?" Sometimes he was overly inquisitive. She took an easy track.

"About what we're going to do when we get back home, Nathaniel." Kitty leaned sideways and kissed him on the cheek. She was surprised to see him stiffen at her words.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." The obvious answer, but very like the one she'd just given him.

"I think we're almost at the top."

"That's good."

Simple conversation, but it told her, perhaps, too much; Kitty felt a certain sense of foreboding. What was he still concealing from her?

A clearing, the summit of the fairly small mountain, loomed into view. Kitty could not help but hold her breath as she and Nathaniel stepped into it, wondering now if everything was about to change.

* * *

He knew, just as he'd known at the tower, that when they entered the clearing at the top of the mountain there would be nothing. Nothing to ease the pain, or take him back, or even release him from the cursed half-life Nathaniel now seemed to lead. 

But that didn't stop it from hurting when his eyes to in the empty grove.

It was no different from the forest by the beach, back where their long and fruitless journey had begun, except for the absence of any sort of life. There were no fairies, this time, trying to ease his heart and his troubles; no hope, no life, no release.

And it hurt.

Nathaniel's eyes flicked to Kitty, who wore a blank expression; he could almost see, however, the torrent of emotions twisting again inside her, and he knew it hurt for her, too.

Which meant that he had to tell her why there was nothing there.

"Of course, it wouldn't be in plain view," she said quietly. Three pairs of eyes watched her as she made her way around the clearing, searching for something that was not there, that would never be there.

"Just here, perhaps?" She looked behind a rock. "Or maybe -"

"Kitty…" Bartimaeus began.

"What? Maybe it's up there…" Kitty shaded her eyes and looked up into the treetops. "Or buried somewhere…we could dig…"

"Kitty, please." The djinni's voice was apologetic. "There's not -"

"Just…around…here…" Her voice was desperate.

"There's nothing there, Kitty."

"Maybe we just don't know what we're looking for…it might not have to be an artefact or a spell…" She stopped. Nathaniel opened his mouth, but she beat him to it, crying out suddenly.

"_Why isn't there anything_?" Kitty turned her face to the heavens, and Nathaniel felt a hand twist around his heart. He spoke again.

"Kitty…please…"

"There has to be something!" Kitty said wildly. "I saw it…we were here, the four of us…we need to find a way…there has to be a way!"

"No, Kitty."

She turned to him, her expression full of pain.

"_Why? Why was I brought here?_"

"I don't know, but you have to listen…"

"No I don't! We have to find it, it has to be here!"

"Kitty…there's nothing here. There's no way for me to get back…listen to me!"

She stared at him.

"You don't know that," Kitty whispered, "you don't…"

"That's the problem, Kitty…I do know it."

Bartimaeus, who had changed to Ptolemy's form, turned his head suddenly and stared at him, surprised. Kathleen, too, looked at him, goading him into speech.

"N-Nouda…" It was so difficult to begin. "He-he did this to me. When he brought me here…"

"Did _what_, Nathaniel?" Kitty's voice was stronger, and fury laced her tone. She knew he had lied to her before, knew now that their entire journey had been pointless.

He could not look at her.

"He trapped me. In – in time itself, the way I was…"

Kitty looked confused and frightened.

"What – what do you mean, how would that -"

Nathaniel closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I mean," he continued, "that my body is, essentially, frozen in time. I cannot move forward to my death, or be hurt by anything other than what had hurt me before I was transported…"

"I don't understand," said Kitty faintly, although Nathaniel thought she maybe did.

"I wouldn't expect you to," he replied, and she looked up, hurt. "I'm sorry, Kitty. But I was ready to die, then…I knew I wouldn't come out of the Glass Palace alive, and I didn't want to hurt you with that."

"So that's why you lied." Kitty whispered, her eyes wide and staring at nothing at all. Bartimaeus' dark, otherworldly eyes met his own and the djinni nodded once. He'd known this.

"Yes. But, Kitty – _Nouda knew as well._ He knew I would make his destruction my final act, knew that it was what I wanted…and so he took it from me."

"What's wrong with that?" she asked. "If he saved your life…why would he do that?"

Nathaniel turned away from her. He was silent for a moment.

"Do you have any idea," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "what it is to have everything taken from you? Of course you do, Kitty...that goes without saying. But you, like many, probably believe that to have your life taken from you is the worst thing of all."

"Nath -"

"It's not, Kitty." He turned toward her slowly, torturously. "You have no idea what it is to face death, to accept it and even yearn for it, and to have that taken away. That's what Nouda did, before he made his choice and disappeared. He left me here, alone and trapped, without a single possibility of release. Because that's what death is, Kitty; it's a release from everything. Without even that, the pain will remain constant, perhaps worsening over time as I've felt and you've seen, until I've gone mad with it. That is my punishment, in the end, and Nouda's revenge on me for what I did."

"How – how could you possibly _know_ all this?" Kitty's eyes were wide with horror.

He laughed sourly.

"How do you think, Kitty? Nouda told me, laughing fit to burst, exactly what he'd done. Or rather, what he _hadn't_ done; he's gone now, leaving my pain to take its course without his help." Nathaniel closed his eyes. Why did the burden of the truth seem no less?

"So you did lie to me."

Nathaniel looked up into her furious eyes.

"You don't understand -"

"No, I don't! Do you have _any_ idea what I've been through to get us this far? And _now_ you're just telling me that it was all pointless!"

This was the breaking point, then, when it all crumbled into dust…Nathaniel turned away and fled, his heartbeat seeming as dooming as a death knoll.

* * *

Kitty stared after his retreating back, the horror of Nathaniel's words filling up every inch of her until the walls she had long built up against her emotions strained for release. It was too much; she covered her mouth with her hand. 

A hand on her shoulder; she jumped, realizing Bartimaeus had crept up soundlessly beside her.

"I guess that's it, then." Kitty whispered to him.

"Don't give up hope, Kitty."

"_Don't give up hope?_ Bartimaeus, you heard what he said! There's no way out; he's trapped here forever, and I've done nothing but give us all _false_ hope the entire time!"

She twisted her lip, lapsing once more into silence and gazing at the path where Nathaniel had ran away from her…

"I think you're forgetting something, Kitty."

"What could I possibly have forgotten at a time like this? Oh, right, I should have brought him an eternal supply of painkillers to stop him from going mad!"

"Shut up, Kitty; I have enough experience of hysteria in five thousand years to be annoyed by it. I mean your visions."

"They were wrong, Bartimaeus."

Kitty broke off, glaring at him.

"Everything I've seen or wished for has just been proven wrong. The only reason I was given those visions was my own mind _wanting to cause me pain_!"

She looked up at the sky again.

"_Do not struggle_, isn't that what you said? Well, I'll struggle all I want to get out of here! Just _leave me alone_!"

"Kitty…at least go talk to him."

"What?"

"Go _talk to him_. You never know…"

"All right," she said quietly. Kathleen watched her from the centre of the clearing.

Kitty traipsed down the path once again, calling for him.

"Nathaniel! Please, I need to talk to you…Nathaniel!"

She tripped over a tree root but ran doggedly on. _Please don't let it be too late…_

"Nath -"

She saw a dark figure leaning against a tree, his head in his hands.

"Nathaniel?"

Kitty walked cautiously towards him. Nathaniel didn't move or respond, merely giving a shaky sigh.

"Please…don't do this…"

She sat down in front of him.

"Nathaniel, there might be another way to get you out…to break the spell and bring you back to London…"

"Perhaps you don't understand the expression 'frozen in time'?" he snapped, without looking at her. "When Nouda did this to me, I was less than a minute from death. That's where he trapped me; even if I were to go back to Earth, that minute would progress, and I would die of my wounds anyway. I don't want you to see that."

"How can you be so defeatist all the time?" Kitty's anger leapt to the surface again like a hissing cat. "There might be a way to save you from that, if you would just -"

Nathaniel looked up; his face was white and his eyes were red-rimmed. Kitty looked at him, abandoning her sentence mid-way and biting her lip. He was already so frail…

"I'm sick, Kitty," he said faintly. "I'm sick, and I hurt, I hurt all over. I just want out, I don't want this any more…"

"Nath -"

"I wanted death and I didn't get it," he continued doggedly, and she could see tears glistening at the corners of his eyes. "Now I'm scared to face it again, but it may be the only way I'm released from this…"

Kitty reached out to touch his cheek, but he flinched away.

"Please don't," he said. "I don't deserve anything, not after I lied to you all those times."

Neither of them spoke for a moment. Then Kitty had her last try, her last straw of hope.

"Please, Nathaniel," she said. "If you know anything else, anything that could save you, please tell me now."

Nathaniel shook his head from side to side, as if every movement caused him pain. He had never looked younger or more helpless before a power greater than either of them could ever have known.

"Kitty," he said, so quietly she could barely hear the dooming words, "I don't."

She withdrew her hand and stood up so fast it surprised even her.

_Doom._

"Please don't say that," Kitty said desperately, her breath coming shallow and fast. "Please tell me something…anything…"

_Doom_.

Nathaniel buried his face in his hands. Kitty backed away slowly.

"No…" she said. "No, please…"

It was her turn to flee, her hopes crumbling faster than ashes in the fire.

_Doom. Doom. Doom._

* * *

Ahem, sorry for all the _dooms_. But it is _doom_ for everything…so, what do you think? I know its horribly tragic and all. But I did promise you at least a semi-happy ending! Up next: Choices to Fates (part 2), and Kathleen's secret! 


	18. Choices to Fates: Part 2

Sorry this took such an incredibly long time…I'm glad I'm off school now, these last chapters are coming along really well…I sort of thought them up before I started, which is why I didn't start this story for a little while after my other one. Thanks for all the reviews; I really hope you guys don't hate me after this chapter!

No summary again…it's too climactic. Once again, if you don't understand something say so. Big thanks to all my theorists, your questions shall be answered here!

**

* * *

Choices to Fates (Part 2)**

"Teach me to cry!

I know I will have to break…

Help me to cry!

I don't need permission,

But I just can't bring myself back in time…"

- _Twisting Again_

Kitty ran haphazardly back through the forest. There was no real direction to follow; all she could think about was getting away from it all.

There comes a time in everyone's life when hope shies away from everything, when darkness consumes every part of the day, when there is no love or hate; there is only emptiness, and the helplessness that comes with it. And so she ran, dry-eyed, as far as she could from her hopeless terror. She bit her lip as a cry threatened to escape her; this was no time for pity, only time for escape…for release…which was more than _he_ could ever have. And to think only minutes ago she had been convinced that there was just something they had missed…

Kitty pulled herself to a halt when she nearly into a tree. She buried her face in it, breathing heavily; she was going to break, and there was nothing she could do about it. Kitty would have to leave him here, go back to her old life and just try to forget…

A slight rustle in the leaves above her; Kitty snapped back into herself, realizing what danger she was in. Phasma Mortuus was unpredictable at best; who knew what other creatures she might encounter, alone and unprotected? Thinking of this, Kitty felt in her satchel for her knife. Grasping it firmly, she ran again, adrenaline combining with the panic and shock that had filled her at Nathaniel's words.

More steps behind her…she twisted around suddenly, thrusting out with her knife.

"Aaaah! You _had_ to bring that thing, didn't you?"

"Bartimaeus?" she whispered, relieved. The dark-skinned boy materialized in the shadows behind her, wearing a peeved expression.

"Who else would it be? Listen, Kitty, I just figured out why -"

Kitty practically collapsed onto Ptolemy's thin form, burying her face in the djinni's shoulder as she took deep, steadying breaths. Awkwardly, Bartimaeus patted her on the back.

"Kitty, nice as these public displays of affection are, I -"

"It was all pointless…he doesn't know anything else…I'm going to have to just go home without him…and he's going t-to stay here and go mad…my visions counted for nothing…"

"Kitty." The djinni's voice was stern as he set her back upright on her heels. "You can't let yourself go about this…"

"I try not to!" she cried. "It's not like I'm succumbing to anything…I can't even make myself _cry_ for him…"

"That'll break you eventually, Kitty."

"I know," Kitty said softly. "I try to prolong it…make myself think of other things when I can…but Bartimaeus, I think I love him…"

"Erm…" the djinni looked excessively uncomfortable. "I'm _really_ bad at these pep talk things, and I need to change the subject anyways…could you help me with something?"

Kitty closed her eyes.

"What now?"

"The apocalypse."

She opened them and glared at him.

"If you're just going to make fun of me…"

"No, actually…I don't really know what to do…"

"Join the club," she whispered, twisting her lip.

"Just – just come with me, all right?"

Wordlessly she followed him back to the clearing. At first she couldn't see what was wrong, but then Kitty stopped a small hunched form by one of the trees.

The girl Kathleen.

She was crying, as far as Kitty could see, her tiny body racked with sobs. Kitty suppressed a strangled sort of whimper; the girl expressed her own emotions to a great degree.

"Oh," she said faintly.

"Yeah…"

Kitty stepped forward gingerly toward the little girl and knelt beside her.

"Kathleen?" she began, not entirely sure (like Bartimaeus) what to say. "Um…it's okay, you know…it's okay…"

The little girl turned her tearstained face upward, more tears welling in her green eyes. She extended her hands beseechingly towards Kitty, who hesitated slightly before carefully taking them in her own hands.

Excruciating pain erupted behind her eyelids and she screamed aloud. It was too much…the last thing she heard was Bartimaeus crying out her name before she was met with a white light that surrounded her…

_**Do not struggle.**_

* * *

I knew Kitty was in for it the moment the little girl touched her hands…but hey, it wasn't my fault! The weird little kid was crying and I have _very_ little experience in that department (childcare is one of the _few_ duties a djinni never has to perform, thank goodness – magicians aren't allowed offspring.) Granted, Kitty probably didn't either – by my calculations she was an only child and had never even had a boyfriend or whatever – but she was better than nothing. 

As Kitty's screams pierced the silence of the clearing, I knew the worst was coming. Despite my apparent indifference towards Kathleen in any reader's view, I _had_ thought there was something a little odd about her; how she was just suddenly _there_, when I knew the demons Nat and I had killed hadn't brought prisoners with them. I could sometimes feel her gaze upon me, almost as if she were searching for something within me; not that I think anything got past my mind's defences; you should know me better than that.

No, there was definitely something _odd_ about Kathleen, but not odd in the way of a marid or an afrit, or even one of the possessed humans we'd destroyed in London. There was just an – _otherness_ about her that was difficult to understand, more like the golem than anything. Something tied to the earth, but also to chaos and the Other Place. It was a strange conundrum that I found difficult to resolve, which is unusual for someone of my near-infinite intellectual capacities.

And now, just as I was about to tell these incredibly clever hypotheses and theories to Kitty, she went and _touched_ the damn kid and got hurt. Well, there's a human for you; never heeding warnings or doing as they're told.

Anyways…when she touched 'Kathleen' something odd happened. She screamed and this white light surrounded them both…for once, I was speechless. Of course, this was contradicted immediately when I called out her name…

There was no response. Either she was unconscious, or else…

Something had her.

Ptolemy sprouted elegant black wings and flew off in search of Nathaniel.

_

* * *

For a moment she thought she was in the Other Place again; then she realized that she was surrounded by light, not a coloured miasma of chaos. She reached and found herself, in all singularity and detachment from the whiteness around her._

Where am I? What is this place?

_There was no response immediately, and Kitty began to panic. She needed to get out of here…_

_**I have made this place for my own purposes.** It was the voice that had haunted her in her visions. **I wished for us to talk in solitude.**_

But…why am I here, why do we need to talk…where's Kathleen…and Bartimaeus?

_**And Nathaniel?**_

_Kitty drew back angrily, but the voice came from everywhere and nowhere. There was no escape._

You leave me alone…you brought me here to see him suffer!

_She lashed out at the whiteness all around, but contacted with nothing._

Let me out! _She cried in her mind voice. _ You have no right to keep me here!

_There was a stirring all around her._

_**That I will not do. I wish to talk, and only here can we be alone.**_

_Kitty stood very still._

Who are you?

_There was a quivering about her, as if in laughter._

_**Do you really want to know?**_

Yes. For what other reason would I possibly ask? I want to look upon the creature that has hurt me like you have.

_There was another quiver in the light. Kitty screwed her eyes up against the bright pulsations, then opened them wide in astonishment at the figure who stepped forth._

_It was Kathleen._

* * *

"Nathaniel!" I called. "Nathaniel!" 

I spotted him between a couple of trees. He was in a bad way, looking pretty ill and dejected. I chanced a wake-up call.

"Nathaniel, get up! Kitty's gone…"

He raised his head painfully and looked at me through bleary eyes.

"I know, Bartimaeus." He gulped. "I – sent her away when I told her…"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I found her in the woods and brought her back to the clearing, but then…"

"What?" He suddenly seemed a bit more alert.

"She was a bit out of it and all…but the little girl was crying and I didn't know what to do…"

Nathaniel's eyes widened.

"Kathleen? What happened?"

I stared at him. Did he know something about the little girl?

"Kitty touched her hands…and they both disappeared into a white light. I heard her scream, and then nothing."

Nathaniel grasped a tree and tried to pull himself up.

"Something's happened." He said, grimacing with pain.

"Hey, hey, you're in no condition to go anywhere…" I frowned at him. His face was corpse white and he was shaking. "Do you know something about that little girl? Because I need you tell me _right now_."

Nathaniel raised his head to me, his expression confused.

"I don't know anything definite," he said faintly. "But – Bartimaeus, do you believe in…_other_ powers?"

"Sorry?"

"Not like spirits or even the powers the commoners had…I mean, really, like _other powers_."

"You don't mean – her visions were caused by -"

"I think I do. I didn't say anything before now, for fear of some sort of reprisals…"

I pulled the poor kid to his feet (a little aggressively, but I was in a hurry) and made a change. The winged horse pawed the ground.

"Get on," I told him. "You're not going to get far like this."

* * *

Kathleen?_ Kitty was confused. _How is this possible? 

_**This is simply form I chose to take.** Ominously, the voice continued to come from the space and not the girl's mouth.** Now, we shall talk.**_

What ARE you?

_A small smile on the girl's face. **I have many names, all depending on what you choose to believe.**_

Some sort of…goddess, perhaps?

_**If you believe it. I am one of the powers; not a spirit or any other form of magic. I am tied to all the elements, including earth, and I cannot be destroyed. Civilizations have worshipped those like me, in many ways; you may see it as different religions, if you believe in that. But I may go where I choose, on any world. I am not tied to your world or the Other Place.**_

Then…where did you come from?_ Kitty's body tensed. What had she done to deserve the attention of the supernatural?_

_**I did come from the Other Place, a region of chaos upon which everything is built. Even the limited minds of humans can be traced back to it…but I cannot be summoned or named, so I retain my power without limits.**_

_Kitty shivered._

What do you want from me? Did you cause my visions?

_The girl in front of her shrugged, her green eyes glittering._

_**When you returned from the Other Place, you were tied to me in no way any other human has been. The only other human to accomplish the journey died too soon afterward to communicate with one like me.**_

I'm honoured, I'm sure.

_**You would do well to show more courtesy, human child; I am no spirit, but my power over you is infinite.** There was a corresponding pressure on her head. Kitty cried out in pain._

_**You continue to struggle against your gift. Do you wonder why it hurts you as it does?**_

_Kitty narrowed her eyes._

A GIFT? Is that what you call this? It causes nothing but pain, and suffering…why can't you just let me go on with my life? Why give me something when it has done nothing BUT hurt me?

_**Even so, it was a gift. It was double-edged due to your own struggles against it.**_

So I was just supposed to behappy to see Nathaniel every night? To see him die, over and over?

_**That was for a reason. Since I knew he was alive I was…naturally inclined to bring you to him.**_

Why? Why should a – a goddess be so concerned about me?

_**Your sacrifice was great and is well known in all the worlds. As a reward, I have allowed you to change his fate.**_

_Kitty started._

Change it? I can't change it. Nouda made sure of that…wait._ She looked at Kathleen._ Why can't YOU change it? You're more powerful than any demon!

_**I am not permitted to act. It is against my nature.**_

You did act, though! You sent me my visions!

_**That was a passive act. I cannot actively choose to undo another's choices.**_

Even when what Nouda did was evil?

_**Good and evil are only a perspective. It is power that truly matters, and choices that decide all fates.**_

I don't have power. My visions aren't any kind of power, and resilience won't help me to undo a spell.

_**You are not here to undo any choice made by another. You are simply here to help your friend make a choice of his own…why do you think the mountain is here?**_

Just for the hell of it?

_**Do not use such words lightly.** The voice was beginning to fade; Kathleen disappeared into the shadows._

Wait! _She cried._ I don't know what to do!

_**Help him make his choice. Then you will no longer need to struggle.**_

_Quite suddenly, the voice was gone, as was the light. Kitty cried out with blackness all around her._

* * *

"Kitty! Wake up, please wake up…" 

Nathaniel shook Kitty's still form, hoping that she was all right. There was a pulse, which was more than she had had when she had gone to the Other Place…

Kitty cried out suddenly, and opened her eyes to see him.

"Nathaniel?" she whispered.

"Yes, Kitty…" he shuddered suddenly and leaned back against a tree. "Where's Kathleen?"

Kitty sat up very suddenly.

"She's…she's gone?"

"Yeah," Bartimaeus told her. "There was white light all around you…it was a bit creepy, actually…"

"Then it dispersed and you were just lying there…I thought you were…" Nathaniel's voice was fainter than ever. Kitty swallowed hard.

"She was there…in my visions…"

"What was she?" Nathaniel asked.

Kitty shook her head; that information was something she didn't wish to share with anyone.

"She – she said something about a choice…"

"A choice?" said Bartimaeus quizzically. "What kind of choice? Oh, that reminds me…I was trying to tell you earlier…"

"What?"

"The mountain isn't just here for show, Kitty. It's where the spirits go when they want to choose to disappear or wander here forever."

Nathaniel was watching Kitty's face as the djinni spoke, and he saw her eyes widen in sudden comprehension.

* * *

Everything suddenly fell into place. The_ choice_…of course! As if a film played in her mind, she recalled Queezle's words not so long ago… 

"_What choice?" Nathaniel had asked. Always the scholar..._

"_It's a bit complicated," Queezle had answered, "but as we're practically immortal, we can choose to stay on Phasma Mortuus or to just…disappear. It's a choice between peaceful mortality and forever wandering."_

Peaceful mortality...practically immortal...the parallels were almost exact. How had she not seen it before? Nathaniel couldn't die anymore; all he wanted was release. Wasn't that the whole point of making the choice?

_But she would lose him._ For what other reason had she come to Phasma Mortuus than to get him back, to stay her grief for good? The mere notion of returning now frightened her. But there was little choice; she could help him, or be selfish.

"Nathaniel," Kitty said suddenly. "I know what you have to do to get out of this…"

"I think I know what you're thinking of," he said sadly. "But I don't see how it could possibly work; I'm not a de – spirit, I -"

"We have no proof that it only works for spirits," she said. "Isn't your soul lost as well?"

Bartimaeus remained silent for once, gazing at the two of them.

"The fact remains – the fact remains – Kitty, I'm too scared to do it." Nathaniel's eyes were indeed fearful.

"I'll help you through it," she heard herself say. "You just have to be strong…we both do."

She took a deep breath.

"Nathaniel, we made it through the invasion of the demon's invasion. We weren't afraid then, even though the world could very well have ended that day. We fought through it all, I survived and you ended up here…it's just another step. Confronting death…"

His eyes locked on hers, and she saw a depth of love in them that warmed her.

"Kitty," he said slowly. "It is much easier to confront death when it's for a cause that's more than your own. Back there, with Nouda…I was saving London, and the world, by going to my death. Even with Lovelace, I was doing it for someone else…it masks the consequences. I have nothing here to die for…and I'm frightened."

"Do it for me, then."

"What?" Nathaniel looked surprised.

"Do it for me. Make the choice for me, Nathaniel. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore, and I want to be able to go home knowing that you'll be safe, and happy, and peaceful…" Why did her throat suddenly feel so tight?

"I don't know…"

"I want you to go, _now_!" Her voice was high and stern. "Do you think I want to go back knowing that you'll suffer for all eternity? Make the damn _choice_, Nathaniel!"

Kitty bit down on her fist as the tears came at last.

"Kitty…"

She looked furiously up at him, her eyes red with grief.

"You're allowed to cry, Kitty…"

She made no reply, twisting her lip and swiping at her streaming eyes.

"Kitty, look at me." Nathaniel's voice was soft. "I'll do it, Kitty."

"You will?" she whispered.

"Yes, but…Kitty, you have to promise me something…"

"Anything." She felt a weight lifted from her heart; almost, but not quite.

"Take his bottles to the Bottle Depot for him," Bartimaeus interjected. Kitty glared at him, and he slunk back towards the trees as if looking for something.

"Promise me you'll move on, Kitty." She glanced up at him in surprise.

"_Move on?_ What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know. But you've got to do it; you're going to break."

"I think that's already happened, thanks." She sniffed and finished wiping her eyes.

Nathaniel's mouth twitched, but he didn't smile. Not that she'd really meant it jokingly. To her surprise, he suddenly reached into his pocket and handed her something.

"Take it," Nathaniel said quietly. She did so; it was a slip of paper. "I think they'll need it…back home."

Kitty didn't look, but slipped it into her pocket, never taking her eyes off his.

"Oi! Over here!" Bartimaeus called to them. "I've found it! Nat, come here…"

The boy turned to the djinni, stumbling over to what appeared to be a large oak tree.

"What is it?" he asked, grimacing in pain.

"Words…for the noble spirits who come here. Written in French, actually; strange choice. Very modern."

Kitty walked over to stand with them. Nathaniel read out the simple inscription in the bark.

"_Tenez-vous par ici et dites votre choix._ Stand here and state your choice."

"That's easy enough," she whispered. Tears threatened to overcome her again, but she held her emotions in, still as a rock in the high wind instead of a leaf.

"Kitty." She turned at the sound of her name once more, and saw Nathaniel very close to her. He leaned down and kissed her gently; she closed her eyes.

"Thank-you," he whispered. "For – for everything."

A pause.

"I love you, Kitty. I always will."

She and Bartimaeus stepped back from the tree, leaving him to stand beside and utter the words of his choice. A white light, like the one that had enveloped her and Kathleen, blazed from the tree and all about him.

He turned to her at the last minute and smiled as one in peace at last, in final release…

Then he was gone, and she stood once more in a field of white flowers. Far away to the distance, Kitty could almost see the tiny figure of a girl at the foot of a mountain.

* * *

Whew! It's finally finished! God, that's the longest chapter I've ever written…seven and a half MW pages! Anyways, hope you liked it and everything…two chapters left! Coming up: Kitty goes home again… 


	19. Amendments

So…hope nobody's mad at me for killing Nathaniel. After all, he _was_ already dead; there was no way around it, and a full resurrection wasn't really possible in the context of my story. Also, sorry for the delay last chapter; the document manager wasn't working. I wrote this chapter while I was waiting to post the other one, so it's all nice and quick!

As I said before, Kitty goes home in this chapter. She discovers what that paper in her pocket is and goes to meet someone special…a bit angsty, but I promise the epilogue will be relatively happy despite everything! Oh, some complaints about the prolific emotions of the last chapter…this chapter isn't like that as much, sorry if you didn't appreciate that style of writing.

Disclaimer: If you recognize anything, it probably doesn't belong to me.

**

* * *

Amendments**

"If I could fall into the sky,

Do you think time would pass me by?

'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles

If I could just see you tonight…"

- _A Thousand Miles _(Vanessa Carlton)

I may not have mentioned it to you before, but there are definitely times in life when it is best not to say anything; as you can imagine, this was one of those times. Why else would I be bringing it up?

So after all the melodrama and emotional revelations, which were proving to be a bit too much for my tastes (call it favouritism, but I prefer action to discussion, especially when it's not exactly appropriate for _me_ to be the one talking), Nathaniel was gone and we were somehow transported back to the field. Crazy.

I'd honestly begun to feel sorry for the poor kid, despite everything he'd done to me over the years; the bruises on my essence weren't gone yet, even though he was. In the end, when we had been fighting Nouda, there had been a certain heroic collaboration between us; when he dismissed me I'd grudgingly accepted it, knowing that it might allow me a permanent stay in the Other Place.

Then Kitty and I had found him here, in bad shape, and…let's just say, my compassion was aroused. What made it worse was that the affection between the two of them was so blindingly obvious that I didn't know what we would do if anything happened. When everything was explained at last, I worried for the both of them; Kitty more than ever, because she was still attached to the mortal world (poor thing) and had no way of saving him.

Even though Kitty hadn't confirmed anything, I had an inkling that something supernatural was involved as well. Honestly, visions don't just come from nowhere; spirits don't even have them, let alone humans. The implications were a little frightening, even for me, so I decided to leave her well enough alone.

Now Nathaniel was truly gone, and the very dilemma I had feared earlier was now coming into play. What would Kitty's reaction be? Even though she had been the one who had encouraged him to make a spirit's choice, she had been crying earlier.

I had reckoned without her strength of character, however.

"Well," Kitty said quietly, "I guess we should be heading back."

_That_ surprised me.

"You sure?" I said lightly. "Oughtn't we to hang around to make sure the – er – island of _Hominis_ Mortuus doesn't throw him back here again?" I was proud of my skill with Latin translation.

"There isn't such a place," she said dully, "and besides, he's really gone…from all things. To die on Phasma Mortuus is to die on all places, remember?"

"So you won't even meet up in paradise (or whatever you humans call it) sometime soon?" Oops, maybe shouldn't have brought that up. Kitty looked at me with a blank expression.

"No, I guess not," she replied flatly. "Let's go home."

Like I said, there's times when it's best just not to speak up.

* * *

Bartimaeus flew them both back to the beach fairly quickly, which didn't give Kitty a lot of thinking time. God, she needed thinking time. What the hell was she supposed to do now? Everything from the moment Nathaniel had 'died' to the time her visions had led her to Phasma Mortuus again, everything had been based on getting him back. And now she had purposefully pushed him so far away that that was truly impossible. 

But did she really _want_ him back at home? Kitty had seen him suffer the way no human being should have to suffer, and if he hadn't made the choice to disappear and be mortal once more it would have been like that for a very long time. Would it have been worse going home with _that_ in mind, or just the fact that he was dead?

Nathaniel…she wasn't sure just _what_ she felt about him anymore. Despite his painful revelations, leading to the unveiling of the true power that had been behind her visions, he had kissed her and told Kitty he loved her. That was something no one had said to her, ever, except her parents; and they had betrayed her.

Then again, so had he. No love was perfect, Kitty knew; she had seen enough soap operas and read enough Shakespeare to understand that. The real trouble was having to believe it now.

She looked up, realizing Bartimaeus was watching her.

"You all right?" he asked. "You looked all funny for a second – not that that's abnormal," he added with a smirk.

"Shut up. Can you get us back?"

The djinni nodded and spoke a word. Sparkling white fire rose from Ptolemy's outstretched to envelop them both; Kitty closed her eyes.

* * *

Rebecca Piper sighed and placed a hand over her eyes. Already it had been a long day; the commoners had been driving her crazy, Mr Button was on vacation in Egypt, the new summoning laws were about to be dissolved without a high-level magician's consent…and now Kitty was missing. 

When she had fainted in the middle of the Council meeting, Piper had been worried enough. Then her boyfriend Kevin had called last week, wondering if she had seen her at all. This was completely unlike Kitty; normally she was a very reliable person, not one to run off and elope, for instance. Although, Piper corrected herself, she would hardly have left her boyfriend behind if that were the case.

She wondered, perhaps, if Kitty didn't just _need_ some time by herself; the shock of John Mandrake's – _Nathaniel_'s – death seemed to have affected her particularly. Piper had her suspicions that there was more than simple heroism that had brought them together during the demon invasion. Perhaps she should just leave Kitty alone…

The phone rang.

"Hello? Oh, hello, Mr Greenstone. No, I've no word from that Hungarian magician and I don't have high hopes…yes, I know the new laws are in danger, but there's not a lot I can do. I think I'll give Kitty another call, see if she's home…yes, see you later."

Piper buried her head in her arms. The interim government was in danger of collapse; they needed the consent of a higher magician to do _anything_ substantial other than withdrawing the troops and making a new police force. Action needed to be taken; _political_ action, not the other kind.

She picked up the phone for the twelfth time that day, sighed, and dialled the number.

* * *

The phone rang as Kitty walked listlessly through the door. Who would be calling her at…wait, what time was it? Two o'clock in the afternoon…that was alright, then…how long had she been gone? 

With a pang Kitty realized that three months had passed when Nathaniel was on Phasma Mortuus for only three days…what if the same thing had happened? Hoping fervently that nobody had filed a missing person's report – that would only get complicated – she ran to the phone and answered on the third ring.

"Hello?" she said breathlessly.

"Kitty? Oh, thank God…"

"Piper? How long was I gone?"

"Three weeks! How could you not tell?"

Kitty bit her lip. Three weeks wasn't as bad as it could have been…

"Oh, just lost track of the time…it only felt like a few days to me. How's the Council?"

"_Where have you been_? My phone's been ringing off the hook; _everyone_'s been looking for you…"

"I was in…" Kitty paused. What sounded reasonable? "Paris."

"_Paris_? Why would you go there?" Piper sounded faintly hysterical.

"Calm down, Becca. I just needed to…get away, salvage some time alone. Get my health back."

"Oh, is _that_ what you were doing?" Kitty winced; Piper's voice sounded at increasingly higher intervals. "Why couldn't you just – pop off to the spa or something? _Kevin_ kept calling me in search of you…kept going on about some mysterious cousin he had seen at your house…Kitty, I thought you had been kidnapped!"

"I'm fine…doing much better, actually." She remembered that her hair and skin were back to normal after her trip to Phasma Mortuus. "Why don't you just tell me what's been going on?" Kitty twirled the phone cord between her fingers; she still needed to dismiss Bartimaeus, loathe as she was to do it, and she was getting tired.

"Well…the summoning laws are about to be dissolved for good…"

"_What_? Why?"

"I told you why! We can't find a single sixth-level magician in the whole Continent who wants to help us!"

"Unsurprising, really, considering what the Empire's done to most of them over the years."

"I know, but that's supposed to be changed now…I had contacted a magician in Hungary who seemed okay with signing the form, but I haven't heard back from him and -"

"Give me his number. Maybe he just needs more – forceful handling." Kitty gritted her teeth. The government needed to pass this law, or they would be in danger of collapse.

"Well, all right – do you have some paper?"

"One minute…" Kitty glanced around the desk, found a pen but no paper. She rummaged through her pockets desperately, and came up with a small slip. "Here we go…"

She turned it over, saw there was writing on it, and gasped.

"Kitty? Kitty, what's going on? Are you all right?"

Kitty read the words Nathaniel had written on the paper over and over in her head. How could he possibly have known?

"Piper…" she turned her attention back to the conversation at hand. "Forget the Hungarian magician. I think I've found someone else."

"What? Who?"

Kitty smiled. "You'll see."

* * *

Approximately three hours later, a young-looking dark-haired woman entered the refurbished government establishment of Richmond, carrying an unmarked manila folder and looking exceptionally pleased about something. Rebecca Piper, the Secretary of State, met her at the door, grinning. 

"Come on, Kitty! You look great, by the way. Council's waiting…are you going to tell me?"

"Not yet, Piper."

They walked quickly to the large wooden door. An attendant opened it, inclined his head respectfully, and let them through.

It was just as Kitty remembered it from what seemed only a few days ago to her; the polished new table, the new Prime Minister and his elected representatives sitting around it. All of them looked rather excited at her appearance, and several of them whispered to their neighbours. Kitty had expected this; none of them had seen her actually appearing her age.

"Good day, Mr Greenstone," she said, taking an empty seat.

"Good day, Ms Jones. I believe you had something to show us?" Even the normally aloof Prime Minister seemed unduly agitated.

"Indeed I do." Kitty opened the folder and took out the slip of paper. On it were these words:

_I, John Mandrake, registered magician ninth level, give permission to the newly established British government to conduct constitutional amendments in the interest of the people. In the name of the Empire, these amendments should be carried out by any qualified representative of our country from this day forth, regardless of birth, former social status, or former employment._

_Sincerely,_

_John Mandrake_

Below it was an elaborate signature that could only be Nathaniel's. Kitty passed it to the Prime Minister, who read it silently, smiling slightly. The ministers, most of them commoners, could take the suspense no longer; many of them rushed (in a dignified way) behind Arthur Greenstone's chair to see what it said. Many of them goggled at Kitty, including Piper.

"But…that's imposs -" she began.

"I suppose it would be to no great use if we were to ask you how you got this?" the Prime Minister asked politely.

"He wrote this before he died," Kitty said bluntly, not wishing to divulge the truth behind her discovery and knowing that Greenstone would understand. "I came upon it in – rather lucky circumstances."

"Which were…" one of the ministers looked curious. Piper glared at him.

"Thank-you very much, Ms Jones," said Greenstone. "This is exactly what we need."

"You're very welcome," she replied politely. "If you don't mind, however, I really must be going. I have – other engagements today."

The attendant bowed her out as she returned home.

* * *

"So, how'd it go?" I asked when Kitty walked back in the door. 

"Well enough," she replied. "The commoners are allowed to pass the new summoning laws, now, which means that spirits can only be enslaved if it involves something the magician is incapable of doing themselves."

I whistled.

"_That_ sure decreases the rate of summoning. And all thanks to Nat…who would've thought?"

"Yes." Her mouth was suddenly a grim line, and I regretted mentioning him again.

"So…what now?" She looked at me and smiled slightly.

"Would you like me to dismiss you?"

"Oh," I said, taken aback, "well, if you feel like it…"

"I might summon you now and again, just to chat."

I smirked.

"You'll be the only one…have you checked out your new copy of Trismegistus' records? They've labelled me as deceased!"

"Yes, I noticed…well, there are a couple pentacles in the next room…"

The dismissal went smoothly enough, although neither of us spoke much. To tell the truth, I was afraid of hurting her anymore than had already been done…still, plenty of time for talk in the future. I wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

Kitty sighed and ran a weary hand through her hair. With Bartimaeus gone, she didn't really know what to do anymore; the frequent mentions of Nathaniel since her return were causing too many bad thoughts that she needed to get out of her head. 

At least she wasn't getting any more visions; apparently, 'Kathleen' had decided to leave her well enough alone, now that Nathaniel was gone for good. For this she was glad; despite the 'power's' claim that they had been a gift, she would do very well without them.

Only one thing remained to do, and she was rather afraid; there was always the chance that he wouldn't have her back anymore. But, if truth be told, she needed him more than anything just now.

Kitty walked all the way to Kevin's apartment; it was a long way, but it took her mind off things to see all the people in London again. Things were looking up; instead of the sullen faces she'd been used to during the war, many people were smiling and laughing again.

Everyone but her.

_Promise me you'll move on_. One of the last things Nathaniel had said to her, but she wasn't yet sure if she could take it to heart. How was she supposed to forget him, what they'd shared and what she'd now lost?

Was it love, then? The void inside her told her so, but she wasn't certain about anything anymore. Sure, they'd kissed; they'd exchanged fond words; but were they perhaps only caught up in the moment? It seemed hard to believe that, a little over three months ago, she had still considered him her enemy. Still considered him that pompous little John Mandrake that she should have left to die.

Funny how some things act like such catalysts in our lives; the slightest hint of danger to their world, and his other side had been brought out. _Nathaniel_…a hint of the boy he had been, with morals and softer emotions. Kitty would never truly understand the rather artistic way he had adopted his alternate personality; then again, he _was_ a magician, and an unfathomable one at that. Still, perhaps she had understood him better than most in the end…

Without realizing it, she had walked all the way up the stairs to Kevin's apartment. Kitty blinked, staring at the plain black door and wandering just what she was going to say. Raising a fist tentatively, she knocked on the door.

The sound of feet hurrying, a young man breathing hard, the slight squeak of an old doorknob turning; then it was open, and Kevin was revealed to her.

For a moment neither of them said anything, staring into each other's eyes. Then Kitty burst into tears and collapsed into his arms.

"I did! I did love him…"

* * *

Ta-da! Basic ending for the story…hope you noticed the connection between that and an earlier chapter, when Piper asked her if she loved him. Anyways, epilogue coming up right away, hope you liked this chapter because I loved writing it! 


	20. Epilogue

Here it is…the final chapter! Couldn't help but just write it down today…I'm feeling productive! Just something to finish off my story on a light note.

Thanks to all my reviewers! I don't think I can list you all here for fear of missing someone but just remember that I love you all! Thanks for the constructive criticism that made it possible for me to improve all the time! There won't be a sequel to this story (obviously), so I might not write anything else very long for a while.

Disclaimer: Last time in a little while I have to write one of these…what can I say? Even though 20 chapters are gone, I still don't own the Bartimaeus Trilogy.

**

* * *

Epilogue**

"The tears come softly, and with them the pain,

Burning, and hurting, and twisting again…

And it breaks my heart to know,

That you will be gone every day…"

- _Twisting Again_

It was April in London; the trees were flowering again, the people were out walking their dogs, children were playing cricket on the green grass of the parks. Everything seemed quiet, peaceful, and perfect in Trafalgar Square.

The newest statue did not shine as brightly as it had in the winter, when frost and snow blanketed the streets, but in an atmosphere of colour and delight it seemed a reminder of peace rather than death. This suited the two people watching it just fine.

"So, Kitty," said the young man, slipping an arm about his companion's shoulders, "remind me again why you wanted to show me this?"

"Oh, I don't know," Kitty replied teasingly, "maybe I just wanted a walk."

"I know you better than that."

"That you do." They smiled at one another. Then Kitty sighed and looked up at the face sculpted into the metal.

Eternally young, it seemed, almost unnaturally so; the features looked as newly-cut as they had only five months ago. They did not show the more distinguishing features of the boy, erect and proud on the plinth; the spark that had once burned in his eyes; the pale, pointed face; the dark hair and suit that had given him a certain mystique despite his young age. But those things were imprinted in Kitty's memory, and she needed no reminding.

She took a deep breath and looked at Kevin.

"John Mandrake – or Nathaniel, as he preferred to be called in the end – was a very dear friend of mine, even though I didn't know him very long."

Kevin's eyebrows shot up.

"You were friends with -"

"Yes, I was friends with the pompous idiot," Kitty said laughingly, echoing Kevin's words from a few months ago. "Or maybe just from the time he wasn't a pompous idiot anymore…I don't know."

They didn't say anything for a moment.

"So," Kevin said tentatively, "were you with him when he…erm…"

"Died?" Kitty thought for a minute. "Yes, I was there…in a way. He saved the city – well, the world, really – doing what he did. I was very proud of him."

"Yeah…he really turned himself around, didn't he? He was the one who used to go after us in the Resistance, I remember."

"Yes, that was him…Nathaniel was a powerful magician."

They said nothing for a moment, Kitty gazing at the statue while Kevin watched her.

"Good people suffer," she said quietly to herself, "sometimes when it's not their fault. That's something I try to change."

The pain of Nathaniel's death was still there, inside her, burning and twisting sometimes like a living snake. It was the sort of thing that could consume her until she begged for release, begged it to stop hurting; but things weren't like that anymore. She had made a promise to him, a promise that kept her out of the pain. She had other things to think about; things that would make everything all right again, eventually. Her pain would go away, with time; nothing could change that on any world.

Nothing could ever be perfect; how could anything be, in a world where the basis for everything was chaos itself? But things were definitely looking up; Britain had a strong government and a Constitution of Rights, and she had someone who loved her and would support her for many times to come.

Kevin suddenly grasped her hand.

"Kitty…can I ask you something?" She looked at him.

Glancing surreptitiously at the statue, Kevin got down on one knee, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small black box. He nodded at the statue.

"Hope he won't mind."

Kevin flipped the box open, revealing a small, silver ring studded with tiny diamonds.

"Will you marry me?"

Kitty laughed, glad that after everything, she could still do so. The world needed more laughter.

"Of all the places…yes, of course I'll marry you." She pulled Kevin to his feet and kissed him.

_Yes_, Kitty thought to herself, _even in a world based on chaos, things are definitely looking up._

**The End**


End file.
